Expectation !!! Karm kiye jaa fal ki iccha mat kar....

“All good things in life are expensive, fattening, and illegal or married to someone else! “

Expectations, good topic to start with , this is something everybody is incubating deep down inside, all the failures are driven by expectations, so in short are these “expectations” making us weaker entity?

 

But expectation is something which even god provogues and God seems to be the brand ambassador for the same , well whatever, as you all know ,I am the man on a mission that is my search to find myself the real me, so far so good , but it doesn’t seems to be doing the trick for me, it’s not like that I am not expecting anything from anybody, if that would’ve been the case, I might not write any post like this , because I want you all to read such things, just to give a thought on this, probably you will get the different point of view , if this insight can bring happiness in my life , so I don’t find nothing wrong sharing and promoting my beliefs with you all…

although I don't really 'expect' anybody to really give a damn about what I write on this Blog ( I am talking about appreciation)...but in case if any one hops on to this blog, then they must read it just to have some peace of mind and set their bearings right when they become slaves /victims of their own expectations....

as for personal experience...my life would have been much more different if had known this concept some 2 years ago....anyways better late than never....

so mainly there is nothing so new which I am going to write here regarding expectations ....many great men and women before me told the same thing....and probably it is the influence of their writings that I could understand the concept myself.

 

well as my head is aching while I am writing this post so I won't philosophize much...and thus, would just try to write some examples which come easily to my tired mind...though they may not be so true for some people but yes...they really helped me get my bearings straight !!!

 

mainly what I came to understand was...that we suffer emotionally many a times because of the expectation we keep from people...and make our happiness tied to fulfillment of these expectations....we expect Right things from Wrong people and then we feel bad....or we expect Wrong things from Right people and then also we suffer....let us see how??

 

Life is unfortunately more based on the principle of give and take.....and we all in the back of our minds have some calculations.....though not strictly in material sense but yes, we do expect a certain amount of consideration from others...the consideration could be in the form of material gain...or some emotional support.....or just professional help....sex.....academic help....mentoring etc ,the list is endless and depends on person to person

 

here I won't delve upon the parent and child expectations ...because it is part of socialization....so I think till a kid becomes mature human being...the parental expectations to some extent are ok...but only if they are doing it to civilize a child and not at all for making him a vehicle to realize their unfulfilled dreams!!!

 

more over the childhood is also spared in this post because the cognitive abilities to contemplate all this is not present in most of children....so how can they understand this concept and take remedial steps ???...hence kids have been spared of my psychological and philosophical gibberish!!!!!

so mainly adulthood instances are touched upon....

we make friends in our adulthood.....and with them we have expectations....like treating us well, helping us when needed, supporting us when outsiders bugger us....well nothing bad in these expectations because everybody does it...the problem arises not much because of un-fulfillment of expectations if we see ,but it is more because of faulty expectations

suppose for example...I have a friend who is just a 'Hi, Hello' type...whom I meet daily in my cab or in office cafeteria.... which technically is called Acquaintance then it would be foolhardiness to expect much help from his/her side....mainly it is immature in fact to expect because I don't know anything about his/her personality and how would he/she behave in a particular demanding situation....since most of us are on our best behavior in our public meetings thus the real self of a person is known only to his close friends and people who know him for long....

now if I go and ask Rs.10000 from such Acquaintance it would be really foolish to expect that he oblige me on that front...because he may not be sure about my record of returning money back…...also he may just be unaware of even my other details ,so he/she has no security for return of his/her money....the example now can be fixed on any value say for example even Rs.10 or a book ....or a phone number of some third person...or a car for some work..... I mean equation is pretty simple.....why should the person believe me if he/she has no full knowledge about me....

this is not to say if he helps then it shows he is fool...it is simply his shot or his decision or his choice or his faith ...........more over...the expectations of this acquaintance would be to get his thing back as promised by borrower....now the ball shifts to his court....he has a right expectation to get thing back, but then, it depends on whether the borrower is a right person or a wrong person...and whether acquaintance has done his homework rightly on that borrower….so his expectations come into play on this side of example

coming on to next point....many of our expectations also arise because of our faulty groupings.....we include and then think many people as our friends or close friends....but there are in fact various classes in that acquaintances, friends, good friends, best friends.....if our fundas are clear as to what is the maximum credit limit....of each particular relation we may save ourselves from some Emotional Atyachar on ourselves by ourselves....

we all seek to gain control on our surroundings and thus we also seek to have things our own way....unfortunately we may have some success in controlling the forces of nature but when it comes to humans the equations are not so simple

for example....take example of valentine day(can't help taking this example...because love is in the air...I tried medicine but it is not working :-) ).....suppose someone want his/her latest muse/beau...to be proposing to her...well it is sure shot case of seeking control of other's behavior....but it is not necessary that other person will oblige....then why to expect....the acceptance of proposal if one sees, it practically is contingent upon many factors the importance and weight age of each factor depends on person to person....

for example....I propose a girl and she is of, suppose ,different state/country...and/or profession....and/or caste (some sparkles still believe in this shitty system)....and/or religion....and/or ethnicity....and/or social status...etc

my expectation are she accepts the proposal .. i.e. I want to seek control on her choosing behavior...but she may be having her own calculation in mind....maybe she is die-hard racist and can't see a Manipuri as partner....or maybe she wants a medico as partner....or she wants some filthy rich person....

the example here is not important ...what is important is that....my expectations were right...but may be the person was not right......finally what would happen?? Well obviously I will feel little sad!!! and so my expectation let me down and not that babe…

another dimension in the same example can be that girl was talking to me because she had some other expectations from me...like educational enlightenment...or simple time-pass gossiping when her normal gang is not around to please her whims.....but instead of fulfilling those expectation I as a fool tried to do something else and thus not meeting her expectations....like for example as in above case...wanting to be her boy-friend....

so in this case she may feel bad....and may either altogether run away...or simply tell me truth(which not many can tell...because they lack spunk to tell so or they are unaware of their inner truth)

now the example above are of situations where we didn’t know the other party quite well....but sometimes we also make wrong expectations from people whom we know well.....like with our parents, siblings, partners, friends ...

the reason I see here is very selfish nature of human beings who wants to control others and sometimes gives a damn about what others feel and want....the uniqueness of each person has to be respected and he/she should be given space to pursue what he/she desires.....for example, my dad wants me to join corporate world but I want to be musician....in this situation at least one of us is bound to feel bad due to outcomes....either Dad would feel bad because I did not fulfill his expectation....or I would feel bad because my dad did not allow me as I had expected from my loving Dad

sometimes we also make wrong expectation with ourselves...because we are unaware of our true nature or capability and thus set such goals or conditions for ourselves that we can't fulfill......for example, I have shabby hair , some bunny tooth , bad skin and with no enviable physique but I want to become male model in fashion shows ramp modeling.........or I have very average IQ but I want to go and appear for an exam where average aspirant is with IQ of 140....in such cases I have set goals for me which are too lofty and thus very low probability of success.......one may say that it smacks of pessimism but a concept for need for achievement,

the knowledge about one's strengths and weaknesses based upon the opportunities and threats present in situation helps us to have right expectations from ourselves

now moving on to some example of some competitive exam....now everybody has expectation to fare well in exam....but many a times things have no control on them....like what if all people with IQ 140 decide to give exam with me....and unfortunately I am the only one with IQ 70....so in spite of my best performance and hard work which is commensurate with my brain's 'infrastructure' I may not be selected......or what if I follow a wrong strategy........in this case I have not understood the situation well and though had right expectations from a right source I just failed to appreciate the factor of probability and thus was not mentally prepared for any eventual failure ...

some things in life have so much of factors involved with them that when we see complete picture it is a complex mix of so many individual probability that predictions are seldom completely accurate.....mainly when the things involve factors like weather and human interactions because there are still unanswered questions, fields and mechanisms in these two areas

so mainly what shall we do ?......have no expectations and be fatalistic in our thought and deed like the traditional Indian philosophy of Bhagya !!!

the answer is no......because it can never be yes !

answer is to have realistic expectations....to have better analysis of the situations.....try as hard as possible to gather information before taking actions towards embarking on journey towards goals...set landmarks that are to be achieved in journey ....improvise when we encounter any problem and re-assess the situation frequently. and thus be ready for any kind of surprises beforehand itself rather than make miscalculated expectations and then repent later on......the situations where uncertainty is too much what one can do best his give the best shot and be prepared for the worst case scenario

more over when we talk about human relations purely.....the best thing I can suggest is patience and wait....jumping to conclusions is sometimes dangerous...just go with the flow and let things take shape themselves....not making judgments based on some initial meetings...and not taking things being said more important that what is actually done...

once this done we can behave without unfair expectations from others and save us, and sometimes others as well ,from embarrassments

regarding personal front the best thing is introspection along with 'accepting & admitting' oneself unconditionally

because if we can be impartial with our own self we can impartially appreciate and love others

and finally rather taking pride in calling oneself an incorrigible optimist one must keep in mind that sometimes being optimist is wise but being skeptic is even wiser....one must have faith because it propels people but not blind faith. For example blind faith in rituals,religion,Gods,Horoscope,stones in rings, position of stars, lines on palm all are blind faith ,they don't help much except for reducing anxiety and at the same time they give power to our unrealistic expectations from situations and persons....thus making the eventual failure even more unacceptable

Most of you  would think , if you read this completely , what i  want to conclude , because there is no concrete conclusion of this topic, however  this you can consider as  the closest one, hence conclusion!!!

 

 

PS :- i still miss some part of me, i know i did some mistake , i am still hoping and not expecting  from you  to do the favour , whatever it was , it was true and i can still feel it,  i wish  i can turn back time , with the same level of understanding , probably i might  be successful in taking control of  my life your way...

Feeling Cheated??? straight from the heart.... you deserve it !!!

Today ,I enjoyed a lot, celebrated my promotion party , bash started with a movie “Love Sex and Dhokla(oops it was Dhoka), So Love was good, Sex was blurred and in lowlight and Dhokha mein we all feel embittered ,this movie had three stories using above three as platforms, mob in the hall acknowledged love , rest left the aboard after sex , those who appreciate the concept of” Value for money” were courageous enough to hang around till the end and while departure we were in dilemma of what we’ve gone through, w e eight people came out of the hall and our hands were up, because a punishment is better then what we had, well that was surmountd in few minutes after some alcoholic texture in a small pub near that mall,(actually I got to know it’s a conspiracy of this mall management crew of creating such temples near to such mall, because nowadays malls are the places where we all feel cheated )

Well what I know from my own, whatever modest it is experience that almost all of us feel upset, confused or feel cheated at some point in life. Some of us feel it very frequent (like me, an easy victim) and some not so frequent.....however this is not to say that people who do not feel such hurt/confusion etc actually do not counter such events ,the difference is mainly how the people interpret the events, there is not much we can do to evade such events because although many a times we may be able to control their occurrence but also many a times they are just random events which can happen to any one of us.....so no matter what level of protection one may go for one may end up facing those unpredictable and random events.....

So what to do??? just pay no attention to these events and do nothing or act passively and behave like a masochist who enjoys getting hurt and humiliated ....not the solution for such unpredictable events lies in changing our cognition about them..one needs to see them in the right perspective and get as much as possible from these events ...learn from these events so that we can utilize them to shape up our own personality.....

Too much of an introduction.....now coming to the point......

almost all of us must have faced theft, heartbreak, superfluous criticism, mocked about, cheated, lied upon etc ...the list is continuous because it is subjective and depends on what makes a particular person feel bad, in the same way on the optimistic side we also feel loved cared about, kindness forgiveness etc..but this I will deal in the last part of post because positive feeling like these usually do not obstruct our day to day living unlike the negative feelings

basically every person who enters in our life has a purpose to fulfill and a lesson to teach. It is up to us whether we open this book and learn the concept and apply it later in life or just forget the lessons we learned .similarly we can also decide which way we want to teach the other person a lesson about life i.e. in positive way or a negative way. so instead of getting bogged down by such unwanted events one must utilize them and continue with life.

the question that bothered me was 'if all of us were created by God and supposedly a part of God resides in all of us then why do sometimes people treat the other humans so shabbily ...i mean God treating his own subjects(or for that matter his own part)badly..............(i no longer subscribe to this view of God, religion etc but the quest to find the answer did in fact enlightened me and that is what I want to share with you ),during this hunt I came across some of the writings by some enlightened men/women and what I learned from that is what I want to write in this post, here are some of the common instances having the potential to make us feel bad and also the ways to look about them positively

when someone lies to us and we also happen to find out that she/he lied, our natural reaction is that of feeling bad and it causes anxiety, anger etc.....but we can learn from this event that truth is not what we see or hear but sometimes we need to dig deeper this knowledge when gained can help us in dealing people who have their businesses running on lies .....e.g politicians .advertisements, religious institutions, lobbies for or against some issue etc are to name the few. this understanding trains our mind to seek truth behind the masks that people wear and not blindly believe what authorities tell us...."we have to take truth as authority and not authority as the truth"...

with so many challenges of life ...increasingly sophisticated means of cheating people it becomes all the more important that we do our own homework properly first before taking any decision rather than repenting or blaming someone else later

next lesson we can get is when a person steals something from us....it basically teaches that things are not there with us forever and we need to respect what we have in our hand and always appreciate it ... our friends,family,well wishers are not going to stay with us forever. Enjoy the moments we spend with them because future holds no guarantee so enjoy the very present and go with the flow. Trying to be extra caring, for you expect something in return at the later date is not a nice thing. they may not be there very next moment so unconditional regard and love is best we can give to them .expectation can lead to frustrations when they are not met and spoil the relation and worst eat up your productive energy

another thing to be learned is through heartbreaks...it teaches one very simple thing that loving a person does not means that the other person will love you back equally ....however the process should never stop because one day the right people will reciprocate and the joy of meeting such people will increase many fold ,when we are mocked or made to look like a buffoon it simply tells us that no two people are alike in this world and that is what makes us unique...we can appreciate the differences better than those who still laugh on those different from them. the wisdom gained helps us to judge people on the basis of what they have inside their hearts and not what their outer appearances suggests. We can become more tolerant of others and enjoy different things in life.....

as per an old Chinese story a monk told his disciples that those who laugh on others are cruel people ..those who laugh on themselves are mature and those who understand the world around them and attain enlightenment they can finally smile on the strange ways of world. it is like the strange smile of BUDDHA when he learned the truth about the world

when someone holds a grudge against us it teaches that all of us can make mistakes and when we are wronged by someone the most virtuous thing we can do is forgive that person because it requires real courage to do that...because it frees your energy from this pursuit of revenge or anger which you can invest in some constructive pursuit......because it breaks the chain of negative energy when you act like a shock absorber. Someone cheating you teaches that it is a great challenge to resist the temptations of eating the forbidden fruit ...the wisdom helps us understand that our temporary pleasures can destroy our long term goals ...it also teaches that how the greed is the root cause of all the evils ,when we are ridiculed it teaches that no one is perfect in this world so accept people for what they are with their strengths and with their flaws. Someone should not be rejected for a flaw over which he/she had no control

now coming on to the positive aspects or events that teach us about life when a person loves us it teaches us kindness,charity,honesty,forgiveness,humility,acceptance etc ,going by the logic of balance of the system every bad deed is balanced by some good deed....however the impact of love is more potent .but the problem is the lessons of love are not taught much and the power is often misused,so it is in our own hands at last ,that when we enter peoples life, by chance or by plan, whether we want to teach love or the harsh reality of life

at the end of the day one can see as to what was my contribution in the goodness and badness of the world.....we may choose to tilt the balance in favor of bad or good the choice is always ours,the irony of life however is that although love is always more powerful....the number of people who think and act otherwise is always more .because the people who are able to understand these truth are not much ....and even if the people who preach love equality and brotherhood are there they are silenced by the people who thrive on hate, lies and violence....one can see what happened to Gandhiji..

However this fight between the good and the bad is like the mythical churning of ocean by angels and demons (as in Hindu mythology) which produces both poison and elixir and other magnificent concepts. Like scientific advancements and weapons. Like vaccines/medicines and biochemical-nuclear hazards, like Mother Teresa and Hitler/G.W.Bushn .it is must for the working of the system. However the aim should not be to join the already swollen ranks of evil but the small but committed force of angels...after all none of us want the balance to be tilted in favour of evil…

My other side(MOS)

Hmmm, finally I am back after 7 days , sorry 7 exhausting days, I was in office for an average 16 hours for past week, functioning day in day out, dedicatedly for some rewarding causes, btw I had my second promotion in last eight months, this unexpectedly seems to be the exact situate for me, right now I am probably in haste, because most of my readers are waiting for me to engrave something on anything, but at this very moment I find myself blended with thoughts , I had some plans 7 days back but not right now, so it might be yet another mystifying emotional attyachar for you all …



Trust me guys, I was reviewing myself , the day I came to delhi , I had no plans whatsoever, heaps of achievements, loads of distractions both personally and professionally , but still no remorse , I did everything honestly, I was different, because I had no prior experience for anything , it’s not like that I’ve accomplished everything what I ever wished for …. Nopes not yet, but yes during this span of 18 months, everything is tainted specially my priorities, preferences and along with my ideologies, except one thing, & is still the same, that’s my passion.


My passion for everything ( matbal ki still I am “sanki”) for me, come what may I have the zeal to face it, but don’t have the audacity to accept things(specially defeats and universal facts), I find a rebellion in me enforced by my passion a self belief, this rebellion seems to me ,is on mission ,a mission to change the basic laws of society and human beliefs, These are not the gandhiwaadi tactics which I am talking about, I have a diverse mind set altogether, not that I have lot of brains but I think some other side of my brain Is getting activated every now and then, and that’s when I feel special, let me call this part of my brain as ‘My Other Side” (: MOS).


Now the pattern what I found regarding MOS is that it requires a trigger, that’s when it awakes some other rishi, (like Neo and Mr. Anderson) , most of the people get acquainted with this rishi and the other one, I think the other rishi has one brain too many…


Things are still not clear about it , patterns identified for sure by my cataleptic(unconscious) mind, that’s why I am writing this bullshit, my motive is to identify , how its working, why is thinking this way, when it takes over me, how to control it. Probably this is the reason of my volatility and frequent mood swings and this unlimited complexity.


Right now I am talking to myself , once again, sitting in a dark room, listening to atif aslam’s interpretation of Michael Jackson’s Billie jean coke studio version, anybody can Google it, writing this crap just to satisfy this Me , to get in touch with MOS, now why I want this meeting coz , an hour ago I was having a very humorous conversation with Miss Y , when suddenly she said “ I don’t know why rishi , the rishi is start talking to initially is overridden by a different person, jisse baat shuru hoti hai woh koi aur hota hai, jisse baat khatam hoti hai who koi aur hota hai”,this was happened fourth time in past 6 days when somebody said somewhat similar statements to me, it’s not that I am psycho with split personality disorder or something like that, but yes there is something uncontrollable, it might be some normal thing or a paranormal if not otherwise. I am sure most of my readers would be thwarted after reading this, but this is what I want to do right now, I am doing it, I don’t have any dilemma in publishing it, I don’t know what I wanna prove and to whom? No idea boss.*imagine raman shahi reading this blog and after reading he started throwing my belongings out of this room, and I can visualize if my X reading this and jumping on a bed and celebrating the feeling of “just got saved” and yelling “yahoooooooooo”……..

I think i should sleep now, and let my other side sleep as well!!!

My first Poem( gosh old memories)

Guys , this is my first poetic attempt way back in 2008, when i first felt something for someone, offcourse this was so precious , not any more, i can share it with  you all now.... i have many of these , so my readers if you feel the expression from this one below i have some more to follow....

My love for you came without warning

Now that I don’t pretend

My love for you will never falter,

It will never have an end

My love for you is greater than the world

Has ever seen

Our love is the purest love

that there has ever been

I will never make you cry

Or put sorrow in your life

I will not rest until the day

That I make you my wife

I had never felt for anyone

The way I feel for you

And with all of my heart

For as long as I live

My love will be most true

No other girl compares to you

For the beauty is in everything you do

I’ve loved you from the start

Ever since that fate full day

You came and stole my heart away.

 

 

I want you all to read this...

I want you all to read this, because this is something real freudian deep shit , something  to share with everybody , i want you all to post comment , i want you all to read it till the end, i want you all to discuss each and everything  here, yes i am deviated but i think its necassay for thought process, this is what complexity is all about...

Well some days back I was talking to Simi ( consider her as my best friend )and she wanted to say something about problems of being stuck up….but unfortunately I could not understand what she later on told me, to explain her thoughts….well it was mainly for two reasons firstly I talk too much, so most of the times I eat up half of the conversation and secondly she speaks very less because of her nature(as compared to me ), so whatever I could ultimately get was not even one tenth of what she wanted to say……

So now you people know, whom to blame….Simi off course !!! ….because she could not stop me earlier from speaking too much and hence I could not stop myself from writing my yet another psychological and philosophical gibberish peppered with my highest quality ‘Third Class’ examples……and I reckon after reading this post, like my previous ones, you guys would be unable to stop….pulling your hair out !( One PJ for you all:- Einstein ke baal aise kyun the?? kyunki usne time machine banayi thi aur mera yeh blog pada tha, so anybody can be einstein)

Apologies to all my upcoming and unsuspecting victims(jan hit mein jaari…..)

>Why do we get stuck on some things in life?

>And where all does this stuck-on business happens in our lives?

>The reasons behind this stuck-on business…

>Disadvantage of being stuck

>How to overcome?

These are some of the things I would be dealing with, in this post.

The reason behind being stuck up as I feel is that we fail to take a decision which a situation warrants. Now this could be because of the reason of personality disposition or because of lack of knowledge about the situation, but then not having information means that we are not yet at the stage of making a decision. So here my concern would be more on personal reasons only

The reasons for being unable to take decision can be traced to the childhood itself because most of the development in our life regarding our personality is over, by the time we reach an age where we can take independent decisions. This is not to say that changes in personality does not occur after we reach adulthood but then a broad outline is already decided before adulthood, thus for someone who is not much of a good decision maker it sometimes becomes important to have a very good analysis of the situation done either by self or someone closer or even some life jolting experience can also bring about a change in the person.

We cling to things because we limit ourselves in certain boundaries and these boundaries limit our worldview. So like the proverbial(Hindi) frog in a well ,we think that this is life is all about….and certainly this clinging would lead us to nowhere but the same forsaken ,stagnant and spoiled waters of our own well which stops us from enjoying the world outside. So unless one dares to jump out of this well she/he is doomed to live with fellow stinking frogs or with good frogs but in a stinking environment. I don’t wish to suggest my dear frogs to go to sea but at least no harm in changing wells or at least making your own well bigger or at least let fresher water come inside (well frog reminded of the princess and frog story…so if you want to kiss a princess/prince, then buddy! you got to move out of well!!!!)

This clinging on to things can be seen in two broad aspects professional and personal, but to me everything is personal in a deeper sense because decision making is a kind of habit which is seen in both personal and professional life

The process of socialisation of a child entails parents, family, siblings, peers, teachers etcetera. Thus our interaction with all of them has a bearing on how we take things

Lets us see how.

Many people have parents who are very domineering/over bearing so they don’t give the child freedom to explore his/her world. starting from infancy either they are always behind their kids or never allowing them to venture at all….mainly types like who say no to everything or need lots of persuasion and also the types who keep kids like a Princess(Hindi term is more apt i.e. Phool si komal Rajkumari).with such an upbringing kids definitely lack the spirit to be independent even after becoming an adult and having world class education and skill…..compounded with our culture of sentiments on sleeves there are ample opportunities to go through emotional atyachar of parents and other near and dear ones if one dares to be independent and tries to move against the grain.

Again, in our childhood and adulthood most of the time the love and regard we get is based on the conditions attached. so, many a times the fear of losing this love and recognition of our loved ones stops us from taking decision that are important for our own personal lives because approval of these guys becomes more important than our own self approval….the understanding of, firstly who is important in life and who is not and secondly the importance of love and regard itself from these quarters is important factor that can help us to take decisions

But story abhi baki hai dost ……many a times both things are favourable that is parents are democratic and near and dear ones not so stingy with giving love .so ,one gets ample unconditional regards and affection and yet the person is stuck on something well…. In this case I think in this case person is tethered to some notions of self image which is not real

And thus instead of moving on the person clings on to the idea...

For example….suppose I believe in the concept of true love happens only once then I am surely looking for a disaster in my life. Imagine if I somehow fail to materialize first love into a success and when she leaves me I would be clinging on to the memories of same person and even if a new and better person comes to my life I would stand to lose her….because simply how long can she wait for me to make up my mind or giving her support to me to forget the previous one…as I said earlier in one post that every relation has some cost attached and some expectations to it and if I cant meet the expectation of new one why would anyone waste time, emotions and efforts on a futile exercise

Another such example would be, I decided in my life to place importance to some factors more than the other factors….suppose in finding a job I have a limited myself to go for only class one jobs in the govt. sector because that was what I was once working for …or if in private sector then I want to go for MBA based job and not anything lower…but then God forbid if this does not materializes then I am doomed with such an idea because I won’t find the right and fulfilling job as per my definitions and thus I would have to change my perception about the job or suffer the consequences of not having any job (matbal ..no money and no honey)

Or for example if I decide that I want a partner who is intelligent, having a ‘class’ ,good dressing sense, good in English conversation. And also from a particular community and particular caste only then obviously I am expecting too much from life and thus surely I need to change my outlook about the life ……one may call it pessimism but I call it pragmatic, Because there are many wonderful people who have all these qualities but not from same ethnicity as mine and/or some people from my ethnicity but with only workable knowledge of English or not so intelligent as I want them to be…then in this case I have limited my choices and thus closing myself to many wonderful people …..More over to get such a hypothetical person I may actually have to marry 3 girls which is legally impossible and personally speaking unacceptable to me because of various obvious reasons….

On a personal note….. though I refrain from divulging much details about my life most of the examples here are from my own real life…the only good thing is that my parents were very democratic and secondly I give no damn to the societal, peer group pressure so I don’t work for people’s regard the reason could be my natural and incorrigible tendency of being a ‘Rebel without a cause’

Mainly I can say that I have become fearless in taking decisions because of these factors stated above, though many a times rather majority of times they back-fired but still I learned a lot from these decisions and many a times they were also good decisions ultimately

But then I don’t repent about the decision where I faltered because at that point of time in past what I wanted to do was actually the same thing...so why regret on spilled milk…and most importantly I learned the things by my mistake so I can say that I lived my life fully (but seriously dude ! I deserve some sort of noble prize in screwing my life so far and still carry on without any major nervous break down!)

To be little fearless I would suggest (unwanted suggestion giving is my forte!!)

That make mistakes but don’t be afraid of making them and learn from them, follow heart some time because it may lead you to a wrong place but at least you would never have a regret later in life that “I should have tried”. have faith and courage to take decisions and don’t chicken out after few days of adverse conditions because then you will surely fail not much because of the inherent flaws in your plan and unfavourable situations but due to the fear of failure that would make you under confident and lesser committed

As I preach at my best here, I would like to bring out the fact that in the process I also lost many things which were dear to me but then after losing much sometimes a person becomes more fearless because he has nothing to lose and every thing to gain in the literal sense of statement and not just as figure of speech

(Oh don’t think I am some lunatic loser in life who is coaxing people to march up to the gallows ...the personal loses I am talking about are professional and one personal loss but they were very close to heart and hence coming up as examples)

The life changing events do occur in people’s life and can be turning points of one’s life

It could be anything from an event where your old value system lies shattered, to some professional event that changed the way you look at things now. Sometimes it could be a chance meeting with an enlightened person or a good old friend or sometimes it could really be an unforgettable personal gain or personal loss…that forces a man to ponder about his life

By the way with whatever miniscule experience I had in these 24 years, 5 months, 2 days and 19 hours of life I would like to believe that it is the personal losses that teach us more about being humble in life and bring us close to the ground.

If we see life in a perspective that sees each life experience as a learning experience that helps further in taking decisions that lead to events triggering more learning events and thus we can become more fearless in taking decisions and more learned in life .this way we can firstly enjoy our own life as we live it and not just pass through our life and secondly we can also teach some willing people about life and thus extend a chain of this knowledge

Life is a journey and the ultimate destination is personal satisfaction at the end

Not regretting about the past and going all out with the flow with full efforts is like enjoying the journey as well…because who knows when this journey may be cut short so why wait till end to be happy …better be happy while we travel ahead

I heard somewhere that whatever you do is what shall be, so don’t be afraid of concepts that tie us down like heaven, hell, honour, shyness, decency if it stifles your own spiritual and personal growth .of course needless to say that we have to take care of others’ rights as well but don’t worry about illogical connections of some concepts and comfort of some people around you. For example why should I worry about a Panchayat feeling hurt about my marrying a girl from another religion, this is a completely insane and illogical connection which is not worth my happiness. Sometimes it is okay to be little pragmatic in life and think for oneself if you are not hurting someone physically or professionally

...like the flowing water never stagnates and a rolling stone gathers no moss similarly one should not remain stagnant and must be ready to embrace the change that brings fresh ideas and removes the mental cobwebs….so we can and we should change the boundaries of our thoughts when the need arises…. For example I definitely would accept even an alien girl if she fits the entire criterion and I feel she is the one for me…

Life is sometimes like a frog, you must not be afraid to kiss it because who knows it might turn into your ultimate prince charming and if people around you or your own-self mocks you for your strange taste then you can always tell people that you are wild life enthusiast (i.e. justify your actions if need arise with logic and tell people to mind their own business)…..after all we as humans are supposed to be different so we all have right to be different and take decisions that brings us happiness because definition of happiness may differ from person to person

Ever wondered why are creative people artist,actors,painters,thinkers mostly free from dogmas like caste,culture,creed ,religion,gender ......actually frankly speaking i am also stuck on some things but problem is i m not getting avenues to even give me a chance to let it go even though I am trying my best....sometimes i guess we just have to wait for the tide to come and bring the frog to a princess he he he (no pun intended here)

But before one becomes a fearless person, one word of caution, first learn to love yourself without any conditions then only you can be at peace with your own self and embrace others as well and make adjustments on our own terms.

Life after all is always beautiful and what looks ugly in life is not life but what we are doing to the life

Love baby love …… love yourself , love others and love life.