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Sunday, March 28, 2010

Expectation !!! Karm kiye jaa fal ki iccha mat kar....

“All good things in life are expensive, fattening, and illegal or married to someone else! “

Expectations, good topic to start with , this is something everybody is incubating deep down inside, all the failures are driven by expectations, so in short are these “expectations” making us weaker entity?
 
But expectation is something which even god provogues and God seems to be the brand ambassador for the same , well whatever, as you all know ,I am the man on a mission that is my search to find myself the real me, so far so good , but it doesn’t seems to be doing the trick for me, it’s not like that I am not expecting anything from anybody, if that would’ve been the case, I might not write any post like this , because I want you all to read such things, just to give a thought on this, probably you will get the different point of view , if this insight can bring happiness in my life , so I don’t find nothing wrong sharing and promoting my beliefs with you all…

although I don't really 'expect' anybody to really give a damn about what I write on this Blog ( I am talking about appreciation)...but in case if any one hops on to this blog, then they must read it just to have some peace of mind and set their bearings right when they become slaves /victims of their own expectations....

as for personal experience...my life would have been much more different if had known this concept some 2 years ago....anyways better late than never....

so mainly there is nothing so new which I am going to write here regarding expectations ....many great men and women before me told the same thing....and probably it is the influence of their writings that I could understand the concept myself.
 
well as my head is aching while I am writing this post so I won't philosophize much...and thus, would just try to write some examples which come easily to my tired mind...though they may not be so true for some people but yes...they really helped me get my bearings straight !!!
 
mainly what I came to understand was...that we suffer emotionally many a times because of the expectation we keep from people...and make our happiness tied to fulfillment of these expectations....we expect Right things from Wrong people and then we feel bad....or we expect Wrong things from Right people and then also we suffer....let us see how??
 
Life is unfortunately more based on the principle of give and take.....and we all in the back of our minds have some calculations.....though not strictly in material sense but yes, we do expect a certain amount of consideration from others...the consideration could be in the form of material gain...or some emotional support.....or just professional help....sex.....academic help....mentoring etc ,the list is endless and depends on person to person
 
here I won't delve upon the parent and child expectations ...because it is part of socialization....so I think till a kid becomes mature human being...the parental expectations to some extent are ok...but only if they are doing it to civilize a child and not at all for making him a vehicle to realize their unfulfilled dreams!!!
 
more over the childhood is also spared in this post because the cognitive abilities to contemplate all this is not present in most of children....so how can they understand this concept and take remedial steps ???...hence kids have been spared of my psychological and philosophical gibberish!!!!!

so mainly adulthood instances are touched upon....

we make friends in our adulthood.....and with them we have expectations....like treating us well, helping us when needed, supporting us when outsiders bugger us....well nothing bad in these expectations because everybody does it...the problem arises not much because of un-fulfillment of expectations if we see ,but it is more because of faulty expectations

suppose for example...I have a friend who is just a 'Hi, Hello' type...whom I meet daily in my cab or in office cafeteria.... which technically is called Acquaintance then it would be foolhardiness to expect much help from his/her side....mainly it is immature in fact to expect because I don't know anything about his/her personality and how would he/she behave in a particular demanding situation....since most of us are on our best behavior in our public meetings thus the real self of a person is known only to his close friends and people who know him for long....

now if I go and ask Rs.10000 from such Acquaintance it would be really foolish to expect that he oblige me on that front...because he may not be sure about my record of returning money back…...also he may just be unaware of even my other details ,so he/she has no security for return of his/her money....the example now can be fixed on any value say for example even Rs.10 or a book ....or a phone number of some third person...or a car for some work..... I mean equation is pretty simple.....why should the person believe me if he/she has no full knowledge about me....

this is not to say if he helps then it shows he is fool...it is simply his shot or his decision or his choice or his faith ...........more over...the expectations of this acquaintance would be to get his thing back as promised by borrower....now the ball shifts to his court....he has a right expectation to get thing back, but then, it depends on whether the borrower is a right person or a wrong person...and whether acquaintance has done his homework rightly on that borrower….so his expectations come into play on this side of example

coming on to next point....many of our expectations also arise because of our faulty groupings.....we include and then think many people as our friends or close friends....but there are in fact various classes in that acquaintances, friends, good friends, best friends.....if our fundas are clear as to what is the maximum credit limit....of each particular relation we may save ourselves from some Emotional Atyachar on ourselves by ourselves....

we all seek to gain control on our surroundings and thus we also seek to have things our own way....unfortunately we may have some success in controlling the forces of nature but when it comes to humans the equations are not so simple

for example....take example of valentine day(can't help taking this example...because love is in the air...I tried medicine but it is not working :-) ).....suppose someone want his/her latest muse/beau...to be proposing to her...well it is sure shot case of seeking control of other's behavior....but it is not necessary that other person will oblige....then why to expect....the acceptance of proposal if one sees, it practically is contingent upon many factors the importance and weight age of each factor depends on person to person....

for example....I propose a girl and she is of, suppose ,different state/country...and/or profession....and/or caste (some sparkles still believe in this shitty system)....and/or religion....and/or ethnicity....and/or social status...etc

my expectation are she accepts the proposal .. i.e. I want to seek control on her choosing behavior...but she may be having her own calculation in mind....maybe she is die-hard racist and can't see a Manipuri as partner....or maybe she wants a medico as partner....or she wants some filthy rich person....

the example here is not important ...what is important is that....my expectations were right...but may be the person was not right......finally what would happen?? Well obviously I will feel little sad!!! and so my expectation let me down and not that babe…

another dimension in the same example can be that girl was talking to me because she had some other expectations from me...like educational enlightenment...or simple time-pass gossiping when her normal gang is not around to please her whims.....but instead of fulfilling those expectation I as a fool tried to do something else and thus not meeting her expectations....like for example as in above case...wanting to be her boy-friend....

so in this case she may feel bad....and may either altogether run away...or simply tell me truth(which not many can tell...because they lack spunk to tell so or they are unaware of their inner truth)

now the example above are of situations where we didn’t know the other party quite well....but sometimes we also make wrong expectations from people whom we know well.....like with our parents, siblings, partners, friends ...

the reason I see here is very selfish nature of human beings who wants to control others and sometimes gives a damn about what others feel and want....the uniqueness of each person has to be respected and he/she should be given space to pursue what he/she desires.....for example, my dad wants me to join corporate world but I want to be musician....in this situation at least one of us is bound to feel bad due to outcomes....either Dad would feel bad because I did not fulfill his expectation....or I would feel bad because my dad did not allow me as I had expected from my loving Dad

sometimes we also make wrong expectation with ourselves...because we are unaware of our true nature or capability and thus set such goals or conditions for ourselves that we can't fulfill......for example, I have shabby hair , some bunny tooth , bad skin and with no enviable physique but I want to become male model in fashion shows ramp modeling.........or I have very average IQ but I want to go and appear for an exam where average aspirant is with IQ of 140....in such cases I have set goals for me which are too lofty and thus very low probability of success.......one may say that it smacks of pessimism but a concept for need for achievement,

the knowledge about one's strengths and weaknesses based upon the opportunities and threats present in situation helps us to have right expectations from ourselves

now moving on to some example of some competitive exam....now everybody has expectation to fare well in exam....but many a times things have no control on them....like what if all people with IQ 140 decide to give exam with me....and unfortunately I am the only one with IQ 70....so in spite of my best performance and hard work which is commensurate with my brain's 'infrastructure' I may not be selected......or what if I follow a wrong strategy........in this case I have not understood the situation well and though had right expectations from a right source I just failed to appreciate the factor of probability and thus was not mentally prepared for any eventual failure ...

some things in life have so much of factors involved with them that when we see complete picture it is a complex mix of so many individual probability that predictions are seldom completely accurate.....mainly when the things involve factors like weather and human interactions because there are still unanswered questions, fields and mechanisms in these two areas

so mainly what shall we do ?......have no expectations and be fatalistic in our thought and deed like the traditional Indian philosophy of Bhagya !!!

the answer is no......because it can never be yes !

answer is to have realistic expectations....to have better analysis of the situations.....try as hard as possible to gather information before taking actions towards embarking on journey towards goals...set landmarks that are to be achieved in journey ....improvise when we encounter any problem and re-assess the situation frequently. and thus be ready for any kind of surprises beforehand itself rather than make miscalculated expectations and then repent later on......the situations where uncertainty is too much what one can do best his give the best shot and be prepared for the worst case scenario

more over when we talk about human relations purely.....the best thing I can suggest is patience and wait....jumping to conclusions is sometimes dangerous...just go with the flow and let things take shape themselves....not making judgments based on some initial meetings...and not taking things being said more important that what is actually done...

once this done we can behave without unfair expectations from others and save us, and sometimes others as well ,from embarrassments

regarding personal front the best thing is introspection along with 'accepting & admitting' oneself unconditionally

because if we can be impartial with our own self we can impartially appreciate and love others

and finally rather taking pride in calling oneself an incorrigible optimist one must keep in mind that sometimes being optimist is wise but being skeptic is even wiser....one must have faith because it propels people but not blind faith. For example blind faith in rituals,religion,Gods,Horoscope,stones in rings, position of stars, lines on palm all are blind faith ,they don't help much except for reducing anxiety and at the same time they give power to our unrealistic expectations from situations and persons....thus making the eventual failure even more unacceptable

Most of you  would think , if you read this completely , what i  want to conclude , because there is no concrete conclusion of this topic, however  this you can consider as  the closest one, hence conclusion!!!
 
 
PS :- i still miss some part of me, i know i did some mistake , i am still hoping and not expecting  from you  to do the favour , whatever it was , it was true and i can still feel it,  i wish  i can turn back time , with the same level of understanding , probably i might  be successful in taking control of  my life your way...
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