My first love is Music rest:its complicated...

“When you love someone,

You’ll do anything,

You’ll do all the crazy things that you can’t explain

You’ll shoot the moon,

Put out the sun,

When you love someone,

You’ll deny the truth,

Believe a lie

There’ll be times that you’ll believe you can really fly,

But your lonely nights have just begun,

When you love someone.

You feel it deep inside,

And nothing else could ever change your mind,

When you love someone”

Now, what these lines are actually “influencing” Romance? No! Sadness? No! Betrayal? No! Passion? No! Emotion? May be! Fantasy ? up to some extent! Music?... Music? 100 % yes!, one can actually feel music in the above lines , that’s what I feel. After so many observations and perception I can candidly conclude that Music is an entity which is a rider for me , this is the only thing which I can consider mine , nobody can take this away from me, or me from music( except Raman, jisko mere gaane se zyada apni neend pyaari hai),Music is something which won’t “Move on” , when everybody else can “Rock On”…

See , this Is not going to be an essay ,rather a confession or a self realization for what I want, what actually Influence me , what actually drives me crazy ( more than her), if I were ever get an opportunity for a wish to make I would rather go for music than her. Yes she was important part for my past 1 and half year , even she made me ignore my love( I am talking about music) , now I can actually believe on a filmy dialogue “ if you love something and it goes away and if it comes back then it is always your love else it was never yours”, now I can realize that there were two angels around my head (exactly what you are thinking one wearing white long dress , white feathers around with right advice always and second one wearing black dress , two horns , two long tooth’s the bad evil ). I guess she was sent from this bad evil , one attractive mirage (like a beautiful island in a hot desert), she never liked my voice , she always felt irritated , finds my voice as most exasperating one, she never feels the expression out of it , she never appreciated my music , always demotivated me by comparing it to others when she was supposed to understand what it means to me, well whatever, slow and steady wins the race, this is the rise of the white angel , the good evil.(don’t laugh, but while writing this blog I am listening to himesh reshamiya and I actually feel Aashiq banaya aapne is a nice song and found aapki kashish even better) that’s what happen when you love someone . Trust me guys , I think we should appreciate this guy(himesh reshamiya), despite of his nose, he is able hit high nodes with awesome control, if anybody understands music or actually like listening songs go for aap ki kashish end part, , when guitar take over in rocking fashion, a sargam transposing with western style “allaap “,then a romantic violin with drum, a typical fusion of romantic lyrics in hard voice and at the end you should raise the volume because drumming is awesome. A sheer genius , it’s not like I am comparing him with AR Rehman, but this is my eternal appreciation for music, I think I can understand music even better now, thanks to you miss X . Infact I am not boasting myself, the day I broke up with her (final encounter with my last love story) I was with Miss Y , then suddenly I started singing “ kya se kya ho gaya”, then “ milke bhi hum na mile” and then “ sach keh raha hai deewana” . at that point I realized what exactly I was missing from my life, that’s music , I was singing , trust me guys I was singing from my heart, there was feel in the song, Miss Y was almost mesmerized , she said rishi you are back , this is it, you should take this thing seriously , you have to nurture your talent.( bechara raman ha ha ha) , I am happy now, trust me guys , I think I am changing , changing for good….

Thank you Miss X and Mr. Bad Evil, this is all because of you dudes I am able to do, what I really want….

Whats your IDEA sir ji?

 Whats your idea sirji???







Guys as you all know I am a confused person and this manuscript below is going to mark a stamp on it, I left the home in a jovial mood, I turned on this machine, saw my blog ( it has some ghost inside it) and it is hypnotizing me to write something, anything, but at this frame of mind what can I write , I have nothing to write, my thought process is neutral(in fact numb), still I am searching for a topic to start. As I am not a reader, probably I need to override my techniques and need improvisation by asking you all the correct suggestion.


In many aspects of my life, I’m a patient person. I can wait for cookies to cool so they don’t burn my mouth. I can buy clothes off season, knowing it’ll be months before I wear them. I love things to be kept in bank. For some reason, this doesn’t apply to my reading skill.


When I buy a book(once in a blue moon), I often don’t even make it out of the store before I start reading. It drives me crazy, mostly I’ll judge a book by its cover (always end up to some computer magazine) when I found a book I like, I’ll read to the exclusion of everything else. Luckily, my read speed is good so I have basic idea about all the books. It’s not that I don’t want to read a book, yes I am, yes I want to be a reader, but I don’t want to buy a book, love to borrow a book


That is also why I love eBooks (freely available) with the instant and unlimited access to novels, studies, documentaries and researches. I don’t need to hoard books. I can arrange a book at three in the morning.


And that is why the week offs are the stressful time for me.


You see, I’m a lucky boy. I have quite a few friends and family members. They all know I’m a romantic guy. They tend to give me what I love… (Don’t ask me what)


I have so many books at my home I want to read them all… NOW and AT THE SAME TIME. That’s impossible. I’ve never been able to read more than one book at a time. I mix up plots and names, recently I was going through 5 point someone (thanks to 3 idiots), just because of this movie so many idiots turned into a reader and yet I don’t find myself among them.


So I’ll have to make some rough decisions. I’ll have to decide which novel to read first. Last year, I divided the pile without looking at the titles. I still had to decide on the order of that smaller pile but it didn’t create as much anxiety.


I know there are some readers out there with massive TBR (to be read) piles. I’m bagging you for advice. How do you decide the order? Do you read the first book received first? Do you order them alphabetically? Are you a random reader? What is your technique?


It feels as if I have to decide my answer to the same question over and over again. This déjà vu can be quite bothersome, especially when I’ve realized that I’ve really have been here before. But things are not quite the same as they once were. It could be helpful to make a list of what is the same, what is similar and what is different. Once I’ve isolated why this situation seems so familiar, I’ll be better equipped to make a sound decision based upon what's really going on in this moment.


I don’t what exactly I mean with this blog, but at last I can say that I am so so confused, it’s like I want scream right now, kya likhna chahta tha aur kya kya likh gaya…

Rishi Reloaded

Guys I am back , some of the friends actually wants me to write more on anything if not personal. Feb is almost finished, and this Feb I did whatever humanly possible to go beyond boundaries to achieve success in your goals(aur yaahan par main pahaad todne ki hi baat kar raha hoon), upto some extent I am successful, however results are not favourable(sach bolun to fail hi raha), but as far as experience is concerned , I deserve a pat on my back.

I can actually feel a different me(Rishi version 2.0) , reloaded with bucket full of tricks and exploring the new survival techniques( ha ha ha badi badi baatein).I understanding relationships and human values( si am feeling lucky) ,I’ve started photography as well(i can fetch expressions), Specially I can sense that I can write as well not like Chetan Bhagat or Sulman Rushdie but I can write my own satanic verses in my own special way( ab main likhunga to thoda tha different hoga hi).I am not into books , reading and all, but almost every near and dear one of mine is a Reader, My best friend Anurag( ek blog is par bhi likhunga), he is really a book worm, my room partner raman,”Raman is an alien when it comes to books, pata nahin kab koi book start karta hai kab khatam, roz uske haath mein ek different kitaab dekh sakte hain, now the most fascinating thing about this guys is the time management, he is in office for more then 10 hours, a routine call of 2 hours for her girlfriend, kyunki who mera room partner hai to use ghar bhi saaf karna padta hai,khana banana padta hai, darwaaze pe koi aaye to usko bhi attend karta hai , means he is not an ordinary man, come on ,he is on 54th level of Farmville( guys this is an achievement)he has to manage his farm, his fish needs his pamper in Fish world, uski coffees and cakes in café world, aur in sab kaam ke baad inka Sarkaar Raaj in Mafia Wars, you guys can actually calculate the time by yourself as Facebook is getting an up gradation for every week or two. Agar Raman yeh padh raha hai to usko pata chal jayega that I really understand his responsibilities and I appreciate all of his day utilization, A room Partner like me and a job like iyogi, time passes like Farmville , girl friend like ………(beep beep beep beep no comments) is certainly lend him a life time achievement award, trust me on that”( oops I am deviated from my topic)

So in short most of the people around me are literature-o-holic , so I am an exception among them, still I’ll try to compete with them, because all of them are readers and not writers , so consider this post as a letter of declaration that I will write some meaningful text for you all, for some of you and for public demand I will write my last love story part 1( I really need some mood for it) and will complete Delhi 6 in near future( as I cannot forget that Picture perfect day at all) .

At the end , I also wants to admit that you all can sense some different shades of mine and some bitter truth, so what if nobody is interested , still I appeal you guys to post your comments on every instance. This was all about” I “, and I really love “I”…..

Delhi 6

Delhi 6

Hmm, where to start… last two days of my life were very eventful, so many things happened, I’ve been places, a long awaited break up finally happened and I close many open chapters of my life,before that I would like to thank all of my friends and readers, who actually appreciated my last blog, don’t worry this one would be small and as short as possible, actually the last blog took 6 long hours in making, I guess its pretty late now , and I think I am about to sleep. I am sorry this one is not going to be a SENTI (but boring rather).I was in no mood to write this but main itne saare characters se mila hoon ki I should right something.

For those readers who actually need to know about my last girlfriend and my Last Love Story Part 1, I am afraid you all need to wait until I am getting senti. This blog is all about my experiences and mujhko nahin pata iska naam maine Delhi 6 kyun rakha. Also I will try not to repeat myself in terms of writing style, its going to be a small story for you all.

This was the second incidence when I actually felt good about Delhi, (first one off course when “she” was around) .Delhi has something special Feel inside in its roots, yesterday I was at Patel nagar, Mukherjee nagar( God Bless this place),Old Rajendra Nagar, Connaught place, Jan path and almost every Metro station in between, for transportation I had rickshaws, cabs , lifts( ek dum filmi estyle) , Blue line buses( God save Common wealth games in presence of these monsters) and few kilometers of Pad –yatra.Today I had a sheer delight of a road trip from my home to karol bagh on my legendary bike( why its legendary ask Raman Shahi my room partner, he can write one blog daily if not a book).I was there at India gate , President house and some park around it.

Yesterday I wake up in the morning; I was preparing myself for vengeance, as I was determined to finish some unfinished business (my fist of fury towards my X) fir socha chod yaar Rishi , khana kha mast chaddar taan aur so jaa. Suddenly my phone vibrated ,ipsi my friend called me and said” Rishi yaar we are leaving for Mukherjee nagar, do you have any idea about any broker at that place?” My vampire tooth just appeared and without wasting any second I said(actually lied)” haan yaar, absolutely, my x has her new residence over there. I know that place in and out, tu pohonch main 12 baje tak wahan aata hoon” she was pretty confident that rishi is so sure about that place , aur usko aaj ghar dilake hi rahega,they would never got to know that only once I checked this place in google maps, I had an idea about this place that it is small restricted to 1 km area, so I was pretty cool about it. waise guys I used to this thing a lot, mujhe kuch pata ho yaa naa ho, I am always confident about my statements and intuitions.

My motive was , that I could find her (my x) out, these two girls along my side, no body will question me to check the place, so I was all set , left home in haste, ( buy the way I was looking great yesterday, a typical gentleman )and equally stupid today. Well what ever, I finally reached Aazadpur with full on expectations around till 1:45 PM, almost two hours late, till then these two girls ipsi and her friend garima already had many handful brokers there and seen almost every small spaces( which brokers call living heaven and we call “astabal”) as available houses for rent.I called her , as expected first letters were “ kameene tu to 12 baje aane waala tha”main chup kya kehta I said the best excuse available and ever green one “traffic dost traffic, tujhko pata hai maine kuch khaya bhi nahin subah se, Dost!!!” ipsi said” chal chal ab nautanki band kar aur ek kaam kar” Batra” aaa ja” maine kaha OK, at that point of time I thought it would be some hospital or something which in turn resulted into a Cinema Hall. Bingo!! This I s the place I was hoping to reach there are 4 IAS institutes in this building, then I checked the place completely rotating to my own axis , I found 11 more, still I was Ok and never bothered to check behind it. I called ipsi she said “ I am checking this one more house I would be there in next 5- 10 minutes” ab ipsi ne bola 5- 10 minute ( jo last mein Aadha ghanta ban gaye), maine socha chalo zara is zagah ko dekha zaye…Bas yahi mera khwabo Ka mahal toot gaya, This place is humongous, trust me its huge , it has more then 50 – 60 IAS coaching institutes , over 50 thousand students, yahan to kisi ko bhi dhoond paana is impossible , I mean it it’s impossible. Then suddenly I realized that what exactly these kids are thinking, everybody wants to be an IAS officer, bloody hell , they all are confident , they all look like geeks , they all are talking to themselves, these are different creatures, how can they manage a society when they are not the part of it, this is where India is lacking, I am afraid this can become a questionable topic in my blog , but there is a need of serious modification in selection criteria. I think government should take a preliminary test for their EQ and IQ for further preparation. I met over 10 people out there each one was preparing for past 3-4 years and most of them were still planning to prepare essays on their next attempt. Most of them were graduate, some were post graduate and one had doctorate as well. At this point of time I feel very uneducated also I realized that I had a relationship with such type of species as my girlfriend, I guess this could be one good reason to leave me. Infact agar mujhe pata hota ki bhai itna competition hai to shayad main usse pehle hi bol deta ki “ jaanu isse pehle ki tum vilupt ho jao, mujhe kripa karke aagya dein”

Khair , itne mein ipsi batra aati hai aur as expected kehti hai” main is jungle mein nahin reh sakti yaar, rishi I am leaving for Hudson bay , tera plan bata” mera kyat ha, I was already disappointed , socha Delhi to aaya hi hoon, kyun naa ek baar vaaji ram institute bhi jhaank liya jaaye, to ipsi ko kaha tata bye bye aur main aa gaya metro station .

Mera shaitani dimaag fir chala, socha yaar its been over 3 months , agar ekdum se surprise visit di, to panga ho sakta hai boss hence I decided to call some assistance for any kind of Scene , I was so proactive that I haven’t thought at once ki meri X wahan shayad ho hi naa, .

Hey bhagwaan!!! peechle 20 minute se likh raha hoon , yeh kaafi lamba ho gaya hai doston , aage to kaafi hilarious cheezein hui,kaise humnein janpath pe chori ki, mere naye dost Rex ne smoking Pipe kaise liya, kaise metro mein ek bande ka cartoon banaya, Kaise finally mera break up hua,kaise main bike se delhi pohoncha, kaise mujhe , pratyush ,neelu ko parliament house se bhagaya gaya, kaise atif aslam ke concert ka ticket black kiya, this will take another 5 – 6 pages. I think I should sleep , perhaps kal parson isko poora kar dunga…

Meri Last prem kahani Part2

Since this blog thing came to existence, i was very enthusiastic about it, created a blog in lightning fast speed, and then never bothered to check the response from others(though i never had any). Recently I saw my friend Anurag started blogging with a better blogging tool ,caused me some kind of funny feeling inside my stomach, I just started digging inside me and found something to start with. In this blog I admit I am kind of “SENTI “seeking Aspirin for my pain.(ha ha ha just kidding ).But I must confess , I am expecting all readers to appreciate this world of imagination . As far as title of this post is concerned, Part one would be launched after the TRP's of this blog.

    It’s been 2 months and a day since we, whom ppl thought to be most compatible, had a huge fight, making me believe in miracles right then . I anticipate my maths is right here.

A journey across half the globe. Many half fights between us (Definition – I fought, she listened). A fortification of the belief that my parents get angry when they should contact the shehnai wale instead. Quite a few happy moments, with me giggling at my own jokes, on most occasions. And we were still together, with me admitting that she has contributed most to the fact that the relationship was going as strong as a well fed wrestler, with my contribution being spilling food, watching movies and driving her around , primarily.

When I was going through this experience… This experience had tainted quite a few things around me.

I mean, my telephone bills had ‘changed’ by a noticeable margin, to the terror of my mom and to the sheer delight of Idea (Which in turn can change ur life) and Reliance. The amount of driving I have been doing around the city had gone up (The sight of her house as I turn around the corner is sight more beautiful than Taj Mahal’s for me . Sorry , Jahangeer . Or Shahjahan . Whoever. ). . .

And believe it or not , for the first time in my life , I ambled into a Jewellery store at Ramganga Vihar , looked at the decked up chatterbox salesman as he eyed me suspiciously and mouthed the words “ I want a pair of earrings.” . Ok , the Ripley’s part ends here , because I gave up after looking at seven earrings , wondering how could anyone choose between things which are equally tiny , equally shiny and meant to be completely veiled under hair anyway so I finally settled for a bracelet (Which I liked very much and knew that it would be vice versa in her case) as her b’day gift.

But while the stuff which has changed around me is varied , with an entire chapter warranted for how my family took it and almost fed me to dinosaurs , the most felt change for me , has been inside me.

I mean, not that my kidneys have changed color; I am talking about internal transformation.

You know, this is not the first time someone put her faith in me . Is not the first time someone thought she would have me besides her in every storm. Is not the first time someone put me in a position where I could wound her , trusting that I would not. Idiot , I am . Guaranteed.

After all that past which would validate a Kameena Sequel to be shot on my life story , it was like god had e-mailed me a letter confirming that I was incapable of taking care of anybody , except my bike and computer maybe .

I had vividly visualized a Dolby surround system installed life where I would live alone , watching movies and eating Rajma Chawal only to die someday with the unpaid credit card guys being the only ones bothered by my death .

When I looked at myself in the mirror , I saw a guy who had run away from every difficult situation of his life . A guy who thought ‘walking away’ is a cool thing to do , yet ashamed in his heart. A guy who had come to believe that life is this meaningless string of moments , and more scaringly for me , had lost the will to find a meaning in this string of moments after joining a gradution course at a private college.

I know it was no holocaust I had faced , and there are people who have seen worse things such as a college hostel’s food , but to my mind , I was a useless failure , who could earn money and mimic some comedian , but was worse than a China made plastic bicycle when it came to reliability and trust.

And then she came along. Strong minded. Independent. Graceful. Elegant. A lady (sorry… girl) who had the sensitivity of a petal to heal life , yet the strength of a tree to face life . A heart which could absorb all pain yet could shed tears touched by the pain of a stranger , that too quite often. A soul which held an understanding the very wise have, yet cares like the most innocent child ever. In short, my complete, geometrical opposite.

Considering the opinion I had about myself , I believe it would have taken a lot of foolishness or marijuana for me to believe I could be the guy she deserved , and to this day , I believe I am lesser than the guy she deserves.

But yet , since that day , she has been a friend , a guide and an inspiration for me . Without trying to teach me , she has given me something I could never give myself , something no amount of movies or fiction books could give me , something no amount of hours immersed at work could give me .

She gave me a reason.

She gave me the reason to believe I can be a better man when she says she trusts me because of my glorious past(my awesome college life my future blog)  and class XII marks.

She gave me the reason to wake up at 4.30 in the morning to ensure she reaches the coaching classes she is supposed to attend , even though it is hard getting up that early even for a free sandwich.

She gave me the reason to feel special by arranging a birthday on a blue exam morning. By the way, she took over the knife after thirty seconds and cut amazingly neat slices. How do women do that?

She gave me the reason to call her as I grip the steering wheel with one hand, imagining the smile that would emerge on her face seeing my name on the cell screen. Pretty dangerous, that driving stunt . Don’t tell her.

She gave me the reason to stand up to accusations and screams, determined not to step aside, but to go through them and claim all the credits that belonged to me.

She gave me the reason to choose the hard but right path, having learnt from her that a righteous life is better than a convenient life.

She gave me the reason to again believe that goodness and simplicity can exist and thrive in this world inhabited by greed, egos and exorbitant petrol prices.

She gave me the reason to know I am going to be all right , because my definition of being ‘all right’ has changed from not facing problems to solving them.

She gave me the reason to truly wish a smile on the face of someone not even aware of my own presence in that moment.

She gave me the reason to feel accepted, not because I am perfect, but because someone does not expect perfection.

In a way, I think I never cared about the kind of guy I was. A bunch of mistakes, I lacked the reason and the confidence to do anything about every mistake I had committed and biggest being hurting her.

She gave me the reason to want to be a man better than who I am.

You know, I know I will never be the man she deserves to be with.

From that dream about death amongst pizza, cartons and a TV remote, I dream about a life which ends with the joy of having lived for people I really loved.

Because while a boy finds a girl who keeps him happy , this boy has found a girl he wants to remain happy all through her life and so he doesn’t want his paths to cross with hers’.

I don’t know if ‘you’ are reading this , but if you are , I just want you to know that I have made a lot of mistakes , and my grammar is all wrong , and I crack jokes nobody gets , but I loved you without expectations and whatever I’m doing I’m doing it for u. And I will never stop doing that coz "i love you"!!!

 I think i should stop writing all this becasue each and every word is making me SENTi, i should keep some expression inside me , possibly my next blog "meri Last Prem kahani  Part 1" will need that....

me signing off me here