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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I want you all to read this...

I want you all to read this, because this is something real freudian deep shit , something  to share with everybody , i want you all to post comment , i want you all to read it till the end, i want you all to discuss each and everything  here, yes i am deviated but i think its necassay for thought process, this is what complexity is all about...






Well some days back I was talking to Simi ( consider her as my best friend )and she wanted to say something about problems of being stuck up….but unfortunately I could not understand what she later on told me, to explain her thoughts….well it was mainly for two reasons firstly I talk too much, so most of the times I eat up half of the conversation and secondly she speaks very less because of her nature(as compared to me ), so whatever I could ultimately get was not even one tenth of what she wanted to say……

So now you people know, whom to blame….Simi off course !!! ….because she could not stop me earlier from speaking too much and hence I could not stop myself from writing my yet another psychological and philosophical gibberish peppered with my highest quality ‘Third Class’ examples……and I reckon after reading this post, like my previous ones, you guys would be unable to stop….pulling your hair out !( One PJ for you all:- Einstein ke baal aise kyun the?? kyunki usne time machine banayi thi aur mera yeh blog pada tha, so anybody can be einstein)

Apologies to all my upcoming and unsuspecting victims(jan hit mein jaari…..)


>Why do we get stuck on some things in life?
>And where all does this stuck-on business happens in our lives?
>The reasons behind this stuck-on business…
>Disadvantage of being stuck
>How to overcome?
These are some of the things I would be dealing with, in this post.

The reason behind being stuck up as I feel is that we fail to take a decision which a situation warrants. Now this could be because of the reason of personality disposition or because of lack of knowledge about the situation, but then not having information means that we are not yet at the stage of making a decision. So here my concern would be more on personal reasons only

The reasons for being unable to take decision can be traced to the childhood itself because most of the development in our life regarding our personality is over, by the time we reach an age where we can take independent decisions. This is not to say that changes in personality does not occur after we reach adulthood but then a broad outline is already decided before adulthood, thus for someone who is not much of a good decision maker it sometimes becomes important to have a very good analysis of the situation done either by self or someone closer or even some life jolting experience can also bring about a change in the person.

We cling to things because we limit ourselves in certain boundaries and these boundaries limit our worldview. So like the proverbial(Hindi) frog in a well ,we think that this is life is all about….and certainly this clinging would lead us to nowhere but the same forsaken ,stagnant and spoiled waters of our own well which stops us from enjoying the world outside. So unless one dares to jump out of this well she/he is doomed to live with fellow stinking frogs or with good frogs but in a stinking environment. I don’t wish to suggest my dear frogs to go to sea but at least no harm in changing wells or at least making your own well bigger or at least let fresher water come inside (well frog reminded of the princess and frog story…so if you want to kiss a princess/prince, then buddy! you got to move out of well!!!!)

This clinging on to things can be seen in two broad aspects professional and personal, but to me everything is personal in a deeper sense because decision making is a kind of habit which is seen in both personal and professional life

The process of socialisation of a child entails parents, family, siblings, peers, teachers etcetera. Thus our interaction with all of them has a bearing on how we take things

Lets us see how.
Many people have parents who are very domineering/over bearing so they don’t give the child freedom to explore his/her world. starting from infancy either they are always behind their kids or never allowing them to venture at all….mainly types like who say no to everything or need lots of persuasion and also the types who keep kids like a Princess(Hindi term is more apt i.e. Phool si komal Rajkumari).with such an upbringing kids definitely lack the spirit to be independent even after becoming an adult and having world class education and skill…..compounded with our culture of sentiments on sleeves there are ample opportunities to go through emotional atyachar of parents and other near and dear ones if one dares to be independent and tries to move against the grain.

Again, in our childhood and adulthood most of the time the love and regard we get is based on the conditions attached. so, many a times the fear of losing this love and recognition of our loved ones stops us from taking decision that are important for our own personal lives because approval of these guys becomes more important than our own self approval….the understanding of, firstly who is important in life and who is not and secondly the importance of love and regard itself from these quarters is important factor that can help us to take decisions

But story abhi baki hai dost ……many a times both things are favourable that is parents are democratic and near and dear ones not so stingy with giving love .so ,one gets ample unconditional regards and affection and yet the person is stuck on something well…. In this case I think in this case person is tethered to some notions of self image which is not real

And thus instead of moving on the person clings on to the idea...

For example….suppose I believe in the concept of true love happens only once then I am surely looking for a disaster in my life. Imagine if I somehow fail to materialize first love into a success and when she leaves me I would be clinging on to the memories of same person and even if a new and better person comes to my life I would stand to lose her….because simply how long can she wait for me to make up my mind or giving her support to me to forget the previous one…as I said earlier in one post that every relation has some cost attached and some expectations to it and if I cant meet the expectation of new one why would anyone waste time, emotions and efforts on a futile exercise

Another such example would be, I decided in my life to place importance to some factors more than the other factors….suppose in finding a job I have a limited myself to go for only class one jobs in the govt. sector because that was what I was once working for …or if in private sector then I want to go for MBA based job and not anything lower…but then God forbid if this does not materializes then I am doomed with such an idea because I won’t find the right and fulfilling job as per my definitions and thus I would have to change my perception about the job or suffer the consequences of not having any job (matbal ..no money and no honey)

Or for example if I decide that I want a partner who is intelligent, having a ‘class’ ,good dressing sense, good in English conversation. And also from a particular community and particular caste only then obviously I am expecting too much from life and thus surely I need to change my outlook about the life ……one may call it pessimism but I call it pragmatic, Because there are many wonderful people who have all these qualities but not from same ethnicity as mine and/or some people from my ethnicity but with only workable knowledge of English or not so intelligent as I want them to be…then in this case I have limited my choices and thus closing myself to many wonderful people …..More over to get such a hypothetical person I may actually have to marry 3 girls which is legally impossible and personally speaking unacceptable to me because of various obvious reasons….

On a personal note….. though I refrain from divulging much details about my life most of the examples here are from my own real life…the only good thing is that my parents were very democratic and secondly I give no damn to the societal, peer group pressure so I don’t work for people’s regard the reason could be my natural and incorrigible tendency of being a ‘Rebel without a cause’

Mainly I can say that I have become fearless in taking decisions because of these factors stated above, though many a times rather majority of times they back-fired but still I learned a lot from these decisions and many a times they were also good decisions ultimately

But then I don’t repent about the decision where I faltered because at that point of time in past what I wanted to do was actually the same thing...so why regret on spilled milk…and most importantly I learned the things by my mistake so I can say that I lived my life fully (but seriously dude ! I deserve some sort of noble prize in screwing my life so far and still carry on without any major nervous break down!)

To be little fearless I would suggest (unwanted suggestion giving is my forte!!)

That make mistakes but don’t be afraid of making them and learn from them, follow heart some time because it may lead you to a wrong place but at least you would never have a regret later in life that “I should have tried”. have faith and courage to take decisions and don’t chicken out after few days of adverse conditions because then you will surely fail not much because of the inherent flaws in your plan and unfavourable situations but due to the fear of failure that would make you under confident and lesser committed

As I preach at my best here, I would like to bring out the fact that in the process I also lost many things which were dear to me but then after losing much sometimes a person becomes more fearless because he has nothing to lose and every thing to gain in the literal sense of statement and not just as figure of speech

(Oh don’t think I am some lunatic loser in life who is coaxing people to march up to the gallows ...the personal loses I am talking about are professional and one personal loss but they were very close to heart and hence coming up as examples)

The life changing events do occur in people’s life and can be turning points of one’s life

It could be anything from an event where your old value system lies shattered, to some professional event that changed the way you look at things now. Sometimes it could be a chance meeting with an enlightened person or a good old friend or sometimes it could really be an unforgettable personal gain or personal loss…that forces a man to ponder about his life

By the way with whatever miniscule experience I had in these 24 years, 5 months, 2 days and 19 hours of life I would like to believe that it is the personal losses that teach us more about being humble in life and bring us close to the ground.

If we see life in a perspective that sees each life experience as a learning experience that helps further in taking decisions that lead to events triggering more learning events and thus we can become more fearless in taking decisions and more learned in life .this way we can firstly enjoy our own life as we live it and not just pass through our life and secondly we can also teach some willing people about life and thus extend a chain of this knowledge
Life is a journey and the ultimate destination is personal satisfaction at the end

Not regretting about the past and going all out with the flow with full efforts is like enjoying the journey as well…because who knows when this journey may be cut short so why wait till end to be happy …better be happy while we travel ahead

I heard somewhere that whatever you do is what shall be, so don’t be afraid of concepts that tie us down like heaven, hell, honour, shyness, decency if it stifles your own spiritual and personal growth .of course needless to say that we have to take care of others’ rights as well but don’t worry about illogical connections of some concepts and comfort of some people around you. For example why should I worry about a Panchayat feeling hurt about my marrying a girl from another religion, this is a completely insane and illogical connection which is not worth my happiness. Sometimes it is okay to be little pragmatic in life and think for oneself if you are not hurting someone physically or professionally

...like the flowing water never stagnates and a rolling stone gathers no moss similarly one should not remain stagnant and must be ready to embrace the change that brings fresh ideas and removes the mental cobwebs….so we can and we should change the boundaries of our thoughts when the need arises…. For example I definitely would accept even an alien girl if she fits the entire criterion and I feel she is the one for me…

Life is sometimes like a frog, you must not be afraid to kiss it because who knows it might turn into your ultimate prince charming and if people around you or your own-self mocks you for your strange taste then you can always tell people that you are wild life enthusiast (i.e. justify your actions if need arise with logic and tell people to mind their own business)…..after all we as humans are supposed to be different so we all have right to be different and take decisions that brings us happiness because definition of happiness may differ from person to person

Ever wondered why are creative people artist,actors,painters,thinkers mostly free from dogmas like caste,culture,creed ,religion,gender ......actually frankly speaking i am also stuck on some things but problem is i m not getting avenues to even give me a chance to let it go even though I am trying my best....sometimes i guess we just have to wait for the tide to come and bring the frog to a princess he he he (no pun intended here)

But before one becomes a fearless person, one word of caution, first learn to love yourself without any conditions then only you can be at peace with your own self and embrace others as well and make adjustments on our own terms.

Life after all is always beautiful and what looks ugly in life is not life but what we are doing to the life
Love baby love …… love yourself , love others and love life.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

what do you want to proove here? your vocabulary ? your expression? your length of expression? how deep you can dig inside? i've been following you from your third post "your love story",what you did was splendid work? with each post you are maturing, you are able to display different shades , congratulations for that, i want to know the first part of your love story?

Aman said...

"Cool" is one bit less and "Awesome" would still remain lesser. So why don't we settle on this : Don't fornicate these ideas just in your own mind and keep them posts rolling in. coz "After all, HOPE, my friend, is a beautiful thing" ;->

RISHI the gyan guru.. said...

Thnak you Aman and Mr./ Ms. anonymous, as far as vocab is concerned the credit goes to MS word in built dictionary , portraying me as a literate individual, trust me i am not, As far as My love story is concerned , i am afraid , i won't be able to publish that, that is something very personal and i should not share it with the world.


I found so many topic around to for panorama of thoughts.

Simi said...

This is really nice to see your expressions you think about me. To read all your emotions here in your blog i need to read it carefully with every word of your feelings. Nice job done and try to explore more on general things that is your day to day expressions.

manisha said...

hmmmm...this tym its really good..i mean practical

tanu said...

nice one...I mean you always begin with a confused state of mind but end up having a decent ending....unlike me.

Anuj Malviya said...

nice one dude, it proves that there is a hell lot of difference between a thick mind and a thick thought....

RISHI the gyan guru.. said...

guys i appreciate your comments , but the reason behing posting it was something else, i want you to read this and then i need a discussion...

RC said...

couple of weeks back when i read this, thought of posting my comments.. finally found some time... Why doesnt blogger allow write more than 4096 characters? i have to split it in 2.. anyways...

After reading this i have become your follower and waiting for your next post...

1> Some point which i strongly disagree -
couldnt find anything here... you are so true.. and your language is so fluent. everything u said made sense.. even the PJ



2> some point which i partially disagree, just to express it well, wat i agree and partially disagree are combined here. You might see most of what you have listed -- but in different words -

There are certain things in life which come from experience and some are inherited from the way you are born and bought up(which we term as experience)... we at times take things blindly without knowing the facts... but have some direction based on how and what we have seen so far... family friends do say a lot and try to share their experiences(good/bad/right/wrong)... and we tend to use those experiences.. some even use their own analogies and past experiences to tone the thought futher...
What we say is.. 'use your brain', behind the scene.. everyone uses his experiences.. his emotional brain does the trick of filtering the thoughts which at that moment doesnt make sense or is not profitable..
There are times when we cannot find the right direction.. but as our experiences have taught... 'approach someone who can probably help or have helped in the past to make the right decision' (this again is not true for everyone.. some are shy some are not open.. some are scared.. which again depends on their experiences)... as you truly said --
'I heard somewhere that whatever you do is what shall be, so don’t be afraid of concepts that tie us down like heaven, hell, honour, shyness, decency if it stifles your own spiritual and personal growth .of course needless to say that we have to take care of others’ rights as well but don’t worry about illogical connections of some concepts and comfort of some people around you'

this is not only due to the way family is structured.. but also to do with what u have gathered in the past.. ur experiences... now this could be family, friends, enemies (which i think i dont have made any.. there r some who do consider me as one for their own stupid reasons)

Point here is -- experiences in life.. there is no end to it.. and we are always learing and trying to know right or wrong..
but at the end we are not perfect... since we are still in the process of learning and enhancing our thought process.. brain is still ticking and trying to find the best... as expectations are always high.. if we get something, we tend to get more and more and more.. there is no end to this..

(continued...)

RC said...

(continued...)
i wud find it difficult to marry a girl from a planet green... reasons r many...
doesnt matter how much we have in common... but its so difficult to get adjusted with someone whom i canot comprehend... or would find it difficult to get adjusted.. but this is only if i have the ability to think -- if i think harder, language is one of the simplest thing to make a hit on.. there would be lot of other important/less important things which we cant even think or list..
knowing the fact that 'love is blind', my emotional brain MAY filter it out... (this may not be true with everyone -- it would depend on your experiences and priorities he/she have built during those)..
for some, communication is very important, for others sex or life or friends or family or independence or caste or culture or... ... ...
but here we give different names to the same -- 'desire'..
some entities have moee priority and some have less... it again depends on the experiences you have gathered in the past...
i find it very difficult to comprehend.. how a pahari girl joins a new family and hear all the bang bong. Its like marrying someone green ( i mean the planet green ).. if you look at the positive side of it, u get to learn a different language... but grab a spoon.. there are better things in life than that (now this again depends on his/her priorities -- why the hell do i learn another language/tradition/lifestyle, or WOW!! i get to learn something new)

there r some in this world who donot know why they r looking for a partner in the same caste... but r still looking for.. here they are using the experience or either trusting experience of their ancestors which MIGHT give them the right choice (not that it is right to do that -- and this is what i think based on experience).. But a human brain can think only to the extent that he has seen so far..

Things would have been so simple if there had been standardization -- when everyone belongs to the same caste and all talk the same language. Now this is so difficult. Its difficult to get people in one small organization talk the same language. it would be definitely possible looking at how world is evolving... but will take years.. and Darwin would still get the credit.

We have evolved to such an extent that if we want to take any decision, we should reduce the scope of vicinity and then go for it. Amount of data we we working on at this moment is so humungous that we cant even think of approaching the problem.. am i sounding like a stupid software guy.. why god why.. why me

All that we are writing here can be considered as a piece of shit or can be termed as something to learn from -- ie experiences -- which depends again on the trust they have on us


personal experience - never take sales guys/gals on face value. They can really play with your mind and make your emotional brain filter out the right ideas/thoughts



----------------

I shoud have categorized above thoguhts in points -- not because that is what i learned in my school days.. had i done that, i probably would have been considered knowledgable by the teachers. Its totally basd on the experience. wat i have seen is, after writing all the crap i have at the top of my head, people get confused -- so do i when i read it again... like i am confused now after reading it again... but gotta run

do i use a lot of '...'?? cannot help.. this is how things are structured at the top of head when have a lot to write.

-ravi

RDS said...

Dude you have a good brain along with a good heart, i appreciate your menuscript above

Ravi you must have the dark night

the joker kills becz he has to... there is no reason...he just does it...in the same way people do hurt others becuase they just love to...no specific reason and surely not for experience

In my case i dont think why me??...its like a random victim in bomb blast...it is just simple plain bad luck that i was there..

RC said...

:)
finally the joker is dead.. now the monkey would rule.. he deserved it more...

people do hurt others.. since they have learned in the past that it gives them the kick they r looking for :)
some do it.. since that is wat they have learnt in the past...

Experience play a role on what you do not how others would do it... how others do it -- their experiences would drive it.

if i am a victim of a bomb blast and i get another chance, i wuold become more cautious and avoid.. (which a wont be able to completely... since there are some who are already experienced to do it differently this time)

hum ek baar paida hotey hain -- have the experience of being born -- only once -- and i dont even remember it
aur ek baar martey hain -- will have the experience of death -- only once -- hope this never happens
jeetey bhi ek baar hain... (koi toh movie ka dialogue yaad aa raha hai)

during this phase of living we do a lot of repetitive things which builds our neurons in making those repetitive things perfect (this does not mean u become a rattu-tota - learned this word recently from a good friend of mine from delhi who is really-really-really angry with me for her own valid reasons)

there r things we do not have control on to repeat and then we sing the song --

'saari umr hum mar mar key je eliyey.. ek pal toh hamey jeeney do...
gimme some sun shine, gimme some rain, gie me another chance, i wanna growup once again'


if i get a chance to live my life again... with the same set of experiences.. i wud live it differently... my exercises would involve more of skipping and cycling... right u r.. i need heels :D

-ravi

Simi said...

Ravi do u really want to live dis life again? First live dis life to ur fullest and then you will get an idea how beautiful is dis life...its only we who makes dis life so complex. What i believe everything is in our hand if its not than make it to your side and see d difference...One of your gud friend of delhi who said dis word to u is only your friend i hope..nothing else

RC said...

thoguht of replying over weekend.. but it wud be late...

--------
query to ravi's brain - 'living life to the fullest...'

searching...
searching...
searching...
searching...
searching...
dowloading...

not enough data...

conclusion...
ravi, u need to learn this from those who have done it... try first with Simi
------------

Simi the gr8(others, donot read it as the topic has changed),
if i say no to your question.. it wud be a lie which i cannot...

trying to clear the conflict --

my glass is half fulland this is the beauty of life that there are expectations to make this glass full full... by the time u do that.. the glass becomes bigger...

when i look back in my life there r always certain things i would like the way it is and certain things i wud like to be different -- i do have a laundry list but it doesnt mean i am not enjoying my life. on top of my head -
>tomorrow when i read my comments i would think.. i should have replied it otherwise...
>i wish i can go back and change the last comments on my blog 'if i get a chance to live my life again' to 'IF i get a chance to live my life again'..
>first time i started living on my own away from parents and the first time i cooked, i thought i sud have learned it before
>singing dancing -- i dont even have rights to talk abt it as i havent done any justice to it...
>..
>..
>first time my teacher slappdd me, had i know human rights (which i learned few days back when i was teaching my nephew)... he wud have had it..
>i wish i had met my girl when she was 3 yrs old when she was in the same state as i am :( -- experience cannot help here, this is destiny
>3 missed call on my phone last night... tried calling her.. no reply (might be busy or angry)... lesson learnt -- never sleep before a good night call
>...
>...

but good thing is -- i know this AND this is not negative thinking... knowing the facts and taking the right decision in future is important...
i wud write my own destiny.. not that i cud when i was young.. but now definitely its in my hand
point made above is... we r learning from 'experience' there is nothing good or bad.. its is just wat u learn you implement
i am totally happy with wat i am but dont want my expectations to die since that is wat wud bring some ardor


about my rattu-tota -
she is nice, sweet, definitely more than a friend, she thinks that she is fat(again driven by expectations and i am sure she would achieve her target).. cannot describe the feelings for her with the famous 3 letter word.. that too on this public forum... but if she reads this.. she might understand.. :-$ we can chat more if required...

gosh.. its 8:38 gotta reach office... if time permits, catch u all over next week end

-ravi

RDS said...

Doston , we must not forget that this is my blog, i love the way you guys responded to ma blog, it really feels good!!! Now the rattu totta is not fat , she is graceful and energetic which makes her complete beauty!!!
Second, Ravi you need not to utter those three words,whenever you say something it reflects the meaning those "three words", but objective is achieved anyways...


You both are very good human beings, and i love you both now, you both can count on me whenever you want!!!

Rishi the Gyan Guru

RC said...

office mein thik sey soney bhi nahin detey yaar tum log... waisey bhi kuch kam nahin hai aaj office mein.. facebook/orkut bhi blocked hai india office mein..

-------
okay guruji... tum nahin hotey toh kya hota... tumharey badaoulat to jee rahey hun :D :D
i am thinking.. aisa kya hua hai that i need any help here... thanks anyways... will reach u when i need u...

yeh tumharey khilaf shadyantra hai.. tumharey blog slog ko clog karney ki...