I want you all to read this, because this is something real freudian deep shit , something to share with everybody , i want you all to post comment , i want you all to read it till the end, i want you all to discuss each and everything here, yes i am deviated but i think its necassay for thought process, this is what complexity is all about...
Well some days back I was talking to Simi ( consider her as my best friend )and she wanted to say something about problems of being stuck up….but unfortunately I could not understand what she later on told me, to explain her thoughts….well it was mainly for two reasons firstly I talk too much, so most of the times I eat up half of the conversation and secondly she speaks very less because of her nature(as compared to me ), so whatever I could ultimately get was not even one tenth of what she wanted to say……
So now you people know, whom to blame….Simi off course !!! ….because she could not stop me earlier from speaking too much and hence I could not stop myself from writing my yet another psychological and philosophical gibberish peppered with my highest quality ‘Third Class’ examples……and I reckon after reading this post, like my previous ones, you guys would be unable to stop….pulling your hair out !( One PJ for you all:- Einstein ke baal aise kyun the?? kyunki usne time machine banayi thi aur mera yeh blog pada tha, so anybody can be einstein)
Apologies to all my upcoming and unsuspecting victims(jan hit mein jaari…..)
>Why do we get stuck on some things in life?
>And where all does this stuck-on business happens in our lives?
>The reasons behind this stuck-on business…
>Disadvantage of being stuck
>How to overcome?
These are some of the things I would be dealing with, in this post.
The reason behind being stuck up as I feel is that we fail to take a decision which a situation warrants. Now this could be because of the reason of personality disposition or because of lack of knowledge about the situation, but then not having information means that we are not yet at the stage of making a decision. So here my concern would be more on personal reasons only
The reasons for being unable to take decision can be traced to the childhood itself because most of the development in our life regarding our personality is over, by the time we reach an age where we can take independent decisions. This is not to say that changes in personality does not occur after we reach adulthood but then a broad outline is already decided before adulthood, thus for someone who is not much of a good decision maker it sometimes becomes important to have a very good analysis of the situation done either by self or someone closer or even some life jolting experience can also bring about a change in the person.
We cling to things because we limit ourselves in certain boundaries and these boundaries limit our worldview. So like the proverbial(Hindi) frog in a well ,we think that this is life is all about….and certainly this clinging would lead us to nowhere but the same forsaken ,stagnant and spoiled waters of our own well which stops us from enjoying the world outside. So unless one dares to jump out of this well she/he is doomed to live with fellow stinking frogs or with good frogs but in a stinking environment. I don’t wish to suggest my dear frogs to go to sea but at least no harm in changing wells or at least making your own well bigger or at least let fresher water come inside (well frog reminded of the princess and frog story…so if you want to kiss a princess/prince, then buddy! you got to move out of well!!!!)
This clinging on to things can be seen in two broad aspects professional and personal, but to me everything is personal in a deeper sense because decision making is a kind of habit which is seen in both personal and professional life
The process of socialisation of a child entails parents, family, siblings, peers, teachers etcetera. Thus our interaction with all of them has a bearing on how we take things
Lets us see how.
Many people have parents who are very domineering/over bearing so they don’t give the child freedom to explore his/her world. starting from infancy either they are always behind their kids or never allowing them to venture at all….mainly types like who say no to everything or need lots of persuasion and also the types who keep kids like a Princess(Hindi term is more apt i.e. Phool si komal Rajkumari).with such an upbringing kids definitely lack the spirit to be independent even after becoming an adult and having world class education and skill…..compounded with our culture of sentiments on sleeves there are ample opportunities to go through emotional atyachar of parents and other near and dear ones if one dares to be independent and tries to move against the grain.
Again, in our childhood and adulthood most of the time the love and regard we get is based on the conditions attached. so, many a times the fear of losing this love and recognition of our loved ones stops us from taking decision that are important for our own personal lives because approval of these guys becomes more important than our own self approval….the understanding of, firstly who is important in life and who is not and secondly the importance of love and regard itself from these quarters is important factor that can help us to take decisions
But story abhi baki hai dost ……many a times both things are favourable that is parents are democratic and near and dear ones not so stingy with giving love .so ,one gets ample unconditional regards and affection and yet the person is stuck on something well…. In this case I think in this case person is tethered to some notions of self image which is not real
And thus instead of moving on the person clings on to the idea...
For example….suppose I believe in the concept of true love happens only once then I am surely looking for a disaster in my life. Imagine if I somehow fail to materialize first love into a success and when she leaves me I would be clinging on to the memories of same person and even if a new and better person comes to my life I would stand to lose her….because simply how long can she wait for me to make up my mind or giving her support to me to forget the previous one…as I said earlier in one post that every relation has some cost attached and some expectations to it and if I cant meet the expectation of new one why would anyone waste time, emotions and efforts on a futile exercise
Another such example would be, I decided in my life to place importance to some factors more than the other factors….suppose in finding a job I have a limited myself to go for only class one jobs in the govt. sector because that was what I was once working for …or if in private sector then I want to go for MBA based job and not anything lower…but then God forbid if this does not materializes then I am doomed with such an idea because I won’t find the right and fulfilling job as per my definitions and thus I would have to change my perception about the job or suffer the consequences of not having any job (matbal ..no money and no honey)
Or for example if I decide that I want a partner who is intelligent, having a ‘class’ ,good dressing sense, good in English conversation. And also from a particular community and particular caste only then obviously I am expecting too much from life and thus surely I need to change my outlook about the life ……one may call it pessimism but I call it pragmatic, Because there are many wonderful people who have all these qualities but not from same ethnicity as mine and/or some people from my ethnicity but with only workable knowledge of English or not so intelligent as I want them to be…then in this case I have limited my choices and thus closing myself to many wonderful people …..More over to get such a hypothetical person I may actually have to marry 3 girls which is legally impossible and personally speaking unacceptable to me because of various obvious reasons….
On a personal note….. though I refrain from divulging much details about my life most of the examples here are from my own real life…the only good thing is that my parents were very democratic and secondly I give no damn to the societal, peer group pressure so I don’t work for people’s regard the reason could be my natural and incorrigible tendency of being a ‘Rebel without a cause’
Mainly I can say that I have become fearless in taking decisions because of these factors stated above, though many a times rather majority of times they back-fired but still I learned a lot from these decisions and many a times they were also good decisions ultimately
But then I don’t repent about the decision where I faltered because at that point of time in past what I wanted to do was actually the same thing...so why regret on spilled milk…and most importantly I learned the things by my mistake so I can say that I lived my life fully (but seriously dude ! I deserve some sort of noble prize in screwing my life so far and still carry on without any major nervous break down!)
To be little fearless I would suggest (unwanted suggestion giving is my forte!!)
That make mistakes but don’t be afraid of making them and learn from them, follow heart some time because it may lead you to a wrong place but at least you would never have a regret later in life that “I should have tried”. have faith and courage to take decisions and don’t chicken out after few days of adverse conditions because then you will surely fail not much because of the inherent flaws in your plan and unfavourable situations but due to the fear of failure that would make you under confident and lesser committed
As I preach at my best here, I would like to bring out the fact that in the process I also lost many things which were dear to me but then after losing much sometimes a person becomes more fearless because he has nothing to lose and every thing to gain in the literal sense of statement and not just as figure of speech
(Oh don’t think I am some lunatic loser in life who is coaxing people to march up to the gallows ...the personal loses I am talking about are professional and one personal loss but they were very close to heart and hence coming up as examples)
The life changing events do occur in people’s life and can be turning points of one’s life
It could be anything from an event where your old value system lies shattered, to some professional event that changed the way you look at things now. Sometimes it could be a chance meeting with an enlightened person or a good old friend or sometimes it could really be an unforgettable personal gain or personal loss…that forces a man to ponder about his life
By the way with whatever miniscule experience I had in these 24 years, 5 months, 2 days and 19 hours of life I would like to believe that it is the personal losses that teach us more about being humble in life and bring us close to the ground.
If we see life in a perspective that sees each life experience as a learning experience that helps further in taking decisions that lead to events triggering more learning events and thus we can become more fearless in taking decisions and more learned in life .this way we can firstly enjoy our own life as we live it and not just pass through our life and secondly we can also teach some willing people about life and thus extend a chain of this knowledge
Life is a journey and the ultimate destination is personal satisfaction at the end
Not regretting about the past and going all out with the flow with full efforts is like enjoying the journey as well…because who knows when this journey may be cut short so why wait till end to be happy …better be happy while we travel ahead
I heard somewhere that whatever you do is what shall be, so don’t be afraid of concepts that tie us down like heaven, hell, honour, shyness, decency if it stifles your own spiritual and personal growth .of course needless to say that we have to take care of others’ rights as well but don’t worry about illogical connections of some concepts and comfort of some people around you. For example why should I worry about a Panchayat feeling hurt about my marrying a girl from another religion, this is a completely insane and illogical connection which is not worth my happiness. Sometimes it is okay to be little pragmatic in life and think for oneself if you are not hurting someone physically or professionally
...like the flowing water never stagnates and a rolling stone gathers no moss similarly one should not remain stagnant and must be ready to embrace the change that brings fresh ideas and removes the mental cobwebs….so we can and we should change the boundaries of our thoughts when the need arises…. For example I definitely would accept even an alien girl if she fits the entire criterion and I feel she is the one for me…
Life is sometimes like a frog, you must not be afraid to kiss it because who knows it might turn into your ultimate prince charming and if people around you or your own-self mocks you for your strange taste then you can always tell people that you are wild life enthusiast (i.e. justify your actions if need arise with logic and tell people to mind their own business)…..after all we as humans are supposed to be different so we all have right to be different and take decisions that brings us happiness because definition of happiness may differ from person to person
Ever wondered why are creative people artist,actors,painters,thinkers mostly free from dogmas like caste,culture,creed ,religion,gender ......actually frankly speaking i am also stuck on some things but problem is i m not getting avenues to even give me a chance to let it go even though I am trying my best....sometimes i guess we just have to wait for the tide to come and bring the frog to a princess he he he (no pun intended here)
But before one becomes a fearless person, one word of caution, first learn to love yourself without any conditions then only you can be at peace with your own self and embrace others as well and make adjustments on our own terms.
Life after all is always beautiful and what looks ugly in life is not life but what we are doing to the life
Love baby love …… love yourself , love others and love life.