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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

In Persuit of happyness (MAYBE)

In Persuit of happyness (MAYBE)

Most of the times, our living perceptions become the truth of our conscious, which we keep on protecting and justifying for the whole of life.The people, who affirm our thoughts , come closer to us , in-spite of their complex & confused personality . In the process , our conscious adjusts according to our upbringing, leaving aside any flexibility in approach.

I was watching this movie in persuit of happyness lately, though watched it earlier as well, but found it more close to my real life this instance only , this movie was based on true story of chris gardner who was the CEO of Gardener and Rich (a very big stock broking firm) . Chris gardener was a salesmen back in 1981 ,was selling bone density meter machines and had struggle selling them resulting in a broken marriage and otherwise circumstances . Chris gardner excelled through success after joining Dean witters . His struggle from a salesman to a stockbroker is excellently portrayed in the movie, there were some greatest of quotes are there  in movie like
“You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do something' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want something', go get it. Period. “

“ maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what.”

Well this is not the review of a movie .. this is about me , I am in dilemma again, the good guy inside me is getting me into trouble, because all the satisfaction that I get is by the courtesy of bad guy inside me

Success and failures are only the choices similarly the suffering and happiness...its middle of the night and I have some trouble in sleeping . The reasons can be plenty 1 , i've been thinking too much 2, I am not happy or 3 , may be I am happy but I am fooling my mind and body along with the world that I am not happy.

Maybe there were three four targets too many that I setted for myself and off-course I am not able to achieve them .When I was kid , I had too many aspirations in mind and my teachers were confident that Rishi is different and would surely do something big or something remarkable , may be I did but not up to that mark!!! so may be I am in pressure of a question have I made it large?

May be I am not happy with my job , I just dont want to go there , but I have achieved a lot in this domain, some people still believes in me, some people still respects me , some people still want me to work there but I don’t know, why I don’t feel overwhelmed with the fact that I should go to work to fulfill all the expectations of the people or may be my own invisible expectations from myself. Maybe I am scared of myself only, maybe I've setted the wrong expectation from myself. Somewhere deep inside I know that I dont have enough mettle left in me to go extra mile, may be all the cylinders are already fired enough but what if I am wrong , what If the best is yet to come . I dont know
When I joined this industry ,i was the only fresher in this company , I struggled a bit during my initial phases but once I settled in, I proved that only hard work , results and happiness are interrelated . I worked , I broke records, I Increased the standards and hence expectations from me as well, I was working without any limit thats when I lived the statement “SKY IS THE LIMIT”. May be my past performances or infact my past image is stopping me to grew further...All of us want to know the cause & purpose of our existence and key to happyness, but some are satisfied without answer, another few live in ignorance , ......strong desiring people find multiple justifications..... I dont consider myself as strong desring though still working out to find some answers... Still answer remain unanswered from universal truth

My Motive than was earning money, loads of loads of money, My motive now is to earn loads of and loads of and loads of money, money is the main variable and motivation is constant , still there is variation in happyness and satisfaction degrees.

What should I do ? I am speaking to myself , trying to find out answers and ending up finding excuses... may be those excuses are my answers, may be I am not asking the right question. I know my targets and those are very common like earning more money , working well with satisfaction and attain health and similar energy levels that I had in past and which in turn must yield happyness....

Let me pen down my life in four parts, my present, my past , my answers and my excuses

My Present

1) I have a job, a reputed profile though I don’t have the same energy and motivation

2) I have a girlfriend and I am going to marry her soon

3) I don’t have financial reserves, coz I have lost it because f my friends

4) I have bad health, eiosinphillia, techycardia, hypertension and pain in right shoulder

5) I want to study

6) I am not happy

My Past

1) I was happy in phases but resultant can be considered happy

2) I had reserves till the time I was in confidence when my friends would return them

3) I had many friends to hang out with but I never went out

4) I had extremely high energy levels and charm

My answers

1) should get back to work, and try to get in touch with the real world

2) Should start preparing for study and study instead of planning only

3) Should stop giving my hard earned money to the people

4) Should not take tensions anymore , coz tensions are not helping

5) Happiness is all over the world , it how you perceive things

My Excuses

1) I am not happy

2) I have so many responcibilities

3) I need loads of money

4) I am not well

5) I dont like my job

6) and I am  happy

The only quote that can make me happy (may be)

Happiness is always a by-product.  It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular.  But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness.

do good be good and good karma to all


Anshu said...

hey i am very close to u, i knw whts happening with u, but always remember that after every dark night there is a beautiful and bright day...and ur dark night is about to please cheer up as i am always with u. happiness is nothing but a state of mind. you have all the charm, intelligence & maturity. u are a perfect guy so be happy and take care....u will surely get, what u want...

Duff said...

Sounds to me like you are burnt out bhai. Maybe an extended time off to refocus? What so you do for stress management? Exercise, meditation? There has to be a physical component to offset the stress. -JD

RISHI the gyan guru.. said...

Hey JD, i am towards sainthood now, it was a bad phase, posted this , though now worries now... and yes meditation is an excellent advice.