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Sunday, December 26, 2010

Gyan Guru is an idiot hence closed !!!

< although this blog is published , but its extremely personal  and I am sure nobody’s  gonna  like it , so if you expecting to meet my past established standards for writing , I feel sorry for you in advance>
Its been a while since I wrote on my favorite zoner , relationships and philosophy , probably the engineer inside me started  pushing me to the extremes   but only till the time I am controlled and composed . This was me , scripting emotions with expressions on paper , walking tall with no regrets over my personal life , have enough courage to accept that right now I am in Love and I am Sad , I am sad courtesy my love.
It s true that I am different version of Devdas , who is still far away from alcohol , yet addicted to this blue emotion , still feel alone in the presence of  billion .I was watching Spiderman -3 , I was able to feel the plight of being peter parker and his repressed feeling for Mary Jane(M.J.)  , well I had one lady M in my life and my feelings for are still in repressed form, when the pressure of emotions gets out of control, the extra one falls out with exaggerated form to the people around me.
I feel bad about me so what I am successful, I am courteous, I am dedicated, I am all one could ever imagine, but I am still a lesser the man she ever can be with, even I am all that everything she could imagine in man she wanted to be with, still she don’t want me, she want similar kind of personality but not me.
She had an amazing time with me, I had some best moments of my life with her , but all in vain though I am still not able to figure out the reasons  for our separation, so what I am gyan guru, I know the logic behind break ups, I know the logic behind link ups, I know how to control other people and their life , but don’t have control on mine.
So what , if I am a very good speaker , so what if I can make other feel bad  or good about themselves, so what if I am very good motivator , but all in vain  If I feel  depressed about myself, even after good one and a half year.
To be very honest with myself, I was in love with her that realization came in consideration post my break up, I tried all stupid activities one can imagine, I went a mile too far, I did everything a crazy in love can do or can ever imagine, I can console myself that I gave my best to get her back.
But I think  this is not my problem , my problem is I am not able to accept a rejection, I think it’s my ego that’s pushing me hard to get her back  or it’s my ego who wants her back , it simply reflects that I am selfish or probably I am not satisfied from what I have!!!
Now the question is what exactly I have ?
I have everything a normal or typical Indian contemporary male can imagine at an age of 25 , I have good education , a good salary package , more than basic luxuries and amenities  in life, bunch of awesomestic friends in life , a girl friend  and a nice supportive family, I  mean I cannot ask for better, I mean I cannot think bigger than this and even after all this I am in state of dilemma or have question marks on my face that I have rethink ,  re- evaluate the things I have, I cannot be in such state for any anonymous reason , if this is not Lady M than who and what the hell it is??????????????????
So many question marks in an individual’s life  to be answered , so lets get back to questions and lets just see what exactly I have , being gyan guru is a nice thing to be , you solve almost every problem  of other, you get indulged ,suggest people , help them  unconditionally , irrationally  in an unselfish way sometime you feel good about your self , sometime you feel bad about it , sometime you become a hero and sometime you become a villain  and sometime its really painful when you speak the truth and the other side start crying ,big time.
So being gyan guru is like spiderman , you feel good about your powers though you can show them publicly , you have to wear a mask (in case of spiderman its superficial i.e his mask) , but in real life you can’t wear a mask, you have to  help others wearing a transparent  mask , you may project a wrong reflection of yours , by doing so you are not cheating with yourself , probably to others , but till its beneficial for him/her its OK, but the problem arises when repressed feelings of gyan guru collectively creates an invisible pressure  and exaggerated  feelings comes out that’s when  gyan guru becomes selfish , he wants everything , he wants everything right now, he demands from himself to be focused on himself , he start questioning himself  , this actually creates battle of conscience  , this is as big as king kong is fighting with Godzilla , the rishi fights with the gyan guru inside him .
Gyan Guru starts questioning ,Rishi  starts replying , gyan guru counters, shoots offensive maneuvers  and tries to convince Rishi that’s when  rishi feel bad about the things he have and  feels sad about thing he don’t have.
But this “antardwand” or “inner  conflict” can happen to anybody that’s what makes  gyan guru   a human , but what if  somebody wants a closure on these conflict . So let me go ahead and reiterate the question in response the inner conflict.
Question what exactly I have?
 Rishi Said “ a good education” . I am an engineer , because I have a degree of Bachelor of Technology  in Computer science and engineering  and I can go anywhere with a tag  of an “Engineer “ over my head.
Gyan guru replied  “ yes you are a engineer , you have btech degree  from a  state level  university  in an interclty level college , you prepared for  medical entrance exam and did engineering  that too  in Computer science because in class second you scored good marks in computer and you played some games on computer in past.
At the name of education , you read  in exams , prepared for CTs  40 subjects  , 40 exams , 42 in  your case , 120 CTS that makes  200 odd days  served for the name of completion of  degree named  B.Tech .
You attended a more than average college, secured average marks, and considering that as education.

Rishi  said  “a good salary “ , because I am  working efficiently, getting regular appraisals and salary hikes
Gyan Guru  replies :-  you have good salary because you are performing among bunch of some real idiots, or some real failure , everybody  working around you is a loser one way or other , you are getting appraisals , because you are working in a small but growing company , but even after all this you are not the best , you are more than average but not the best. And  considering that you are fetching good salary, its good relatively to the people working around you but still not the best , also what you are doing, that can be done without  having extraordinary skills or education. If you were that much satisified with good salary you must not be planning for your skill upgrade , you must not be thinking to leave the job.

Rishi Said “more than basic luxuries and amenities “, because I have things that I can use whenever I need them.
Gyan guru  replied :- having washing machine , computer , Owen , vehicle , joining fitness club and not using it  appropriately is a wastage or its good for nothing, every luxury doesn’t not make sense if somebody is not making correct use of it  . Anyone can do that every day without spending a penny. You know it  that you are not happy with what you have, you still want thing to be upgraded one way or other.

Rishi  said “ a nice Girlfriend” , because she loves me unconditionally  and loves me more than anything in this world , even after knowing my past and lady M and have no embarrassment in accepting the truth.
Gyan Guru:- A girlfriend , who loves you  and you  trying to convince yourself that you love her also just because  you want some one in your life as a replacement to Lady M, by doing so not only you cheating her , you also cheating yourself , you are doing no good to anybody, you will pay for your sins one day .
You use to love somebody else , she don’t fits in the criteria’s you actually wants to be in your girlfriend , lover or may be in life partner, you are trying to groom her , you are to improvise her  by changing her own personality , tailioring for your own requirements, conditioning her as a substitute by keeping in mind if you didn’t get  appropriate opportunities in life in terms of lover or life partner , you will switch over to this tailored one  without thinking about the consequences, and  without giving respect to her emotional feelings,  that’s really ridiculous  and selfish of you.
Would you be doing this to an innocent girl , who loved you for no reason , who is still in hope or in dilemma of having you in his life in her future . what if , luckily you got the one you are searching for , would you be leaving her for just a selfish reason, what if you would never be successful in conditioning her to your own requirement and you won’t get the dream girl of your life.
Would you be leaving her  , and creating another one like you , what if the  chain continues ….
Choice is yours , you can be a loser by posing an image of  winner by grabbing  all the superficial  materialistic things in your life or you can be  a  real winner by accepting the truth around you .

Rishi said:- Gyan guru is nothing but me , he knows everything that I know, I ain’t  a hero , so he is not either , lies, faking , hiding and mimicry  is my  area of jurisdiction, I am best in it and I am doing , whats best suited for me , so what If I act crazy at time or may be most of the time , I still get something good from  life , I can console my self by doing so.
By truth , by reality all I am getting  is shit , repent, sadness  around me , I am in control when I am not speaking truth , when I am not accepting a reality , doing so give me immense power and motivation  to fight and survive the world around me, so what if I am cheating with the world , atleast the world feel good about it ,so what if only gyan guru know s the truth , who gives a damn to gyan guru , no body Is bothered about gyan guru , gyan guru is nothing but me , and I am not gyan guru !!!
This is the end of gyan guru, this is the rise of rishi ,  and from now on to hell with gyan guru!!!  
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