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Friday, April 30, 2010

Love Aaj Kal!!! Udi baba ….

people say that love is blind, deaf and dumb....I see a new twist in these three characteristics but not in love rather in break-ups. How a person misses out the cues which are at times as subtle as a bomb explosion!!!!
Is that the reason some one very aptly said that there is no difference between a fool and a man in love????
talking about the present day lovers ,people part their ways and generally those who part on good terms say that they parted mutually ...but I wonder and so do many people that, is this parting really mutual ??
generally one of the party is always the one who has already decided about the so called break up, what exactly happens later is the job to convince the other partner that they sit together and 'mutually' decide the future of relation
from what i know about these relations there is seldom a mutual breakup.
there is difficulty in directly giving the pink slip so people try giving subtle cues which is an unconscious exercise because person is still him/herself in a state of confusion as to how to put it without the acrimony and when this unconscious attempt to convey the message with the help of subtle cues , fails there arises the need to 'sit and talk'.
one can generally get the cues like ...latent anger of the partners for the things he/she earlier enjoyed with/about the partner.....forgetting the important facts/dates/choices/dislikes etc......not returning the calls/messages....
.....and ya one of my favourites,a hate or flirty message delivered to your phone and an explanation given that it was by mistake or a friend used the cell phone to send message to her partner and by mistake it went to u
another one of my favourite subtle cue is curtness in the behaviour of your partner's friends.Oh boy! one should see the fire in the eyes,especially of female friends,which is intense and piercing enough to give a glimpse of burning hell
more over a late learner ,like me ,can be totally clueless in his/her first or second times(more like third/fourth time for blokes like me)
basically the hope ,which is behind all this delayed response of a person to the 'subtle as a bomb' clues of another partner
person thinks that it is just his/her figment of imagination....or once in a while bad hair day of another person.all the while hoping and thinking all the positive things about the another person
so basically it is these blind ,dumb and deaf people who 'force' the other partner to suggest to 'mutually sit and talk'.generally the tone and temper during this whole 'talk' is calm and sombre and the one who 'suggests' that 'we need to talk' is very calm,poised....i think it is natural because unlike other party he/she is not 'surprised'
the very adept ones ....even go a step furthur and even put the whole onus on the 'surprised' basically by the time he/she emerges from the 'guilt' of reason behind is already few months late for any any knee jerk reaction which can jeopardise the 'image' and 'interests' of the other party
The 'Champions of break-ups' can even 'offer' to remain 'good friends' even after this whole episode and even 'forgive' the other one.
basically the reasons for a break-up could be any but the gist can be understood by an example of a 'product'.
like every thing has an expiry date, so does a relation a person simply becomes bored of a product,similarly he/she can become bored of a person......
like sometimes a product is picked up for just to try something new,similarly a person can be picked up may be to have a feel of what being in 'love' feels like........
like a product serves a purpose and becomes useless after some time ,so does a relation....
like better product comes in the market,so does a better alternative for a relation....
more importantly like one can choose a bad product based on effective advertising,so can a person make a mistake in choosing wrong person ,based upon some superficial qualities or a good first impression
.....I accept that my analogy is very crass as I compared something so wonderful as love with something materialistic, but mind you folks here even i am not talking about deep,meaningful,let's get old together love but the normal trend of 'girlfriends and boyfriends' which is many a times shallow and guided more out of curiosity or peer pressure to look cool etc
as long as this is something of a teenage/collegiate kind of 'just do it' type of love that is more guided out of hormones and not by emotionality,spirituality,maturity of personality....there is no problem because this is not love but rather infatuation or attraction.however for people who long for the more serious type of love this whole break up thing can be a pretty goofed up experience
Being not a blind .deaf,dumb for the 'subtle as a bomb' cues can help a person salvage some of his/her own self respect in own eyes and lots of unnecessary heartache.The problem however is, no matter how much a person gets to know about these pitfalls through friends,books and 'blogs' they would still make same is only after some experience that they can truly understand the pitfalls and then.... they can 'even write the blogs to guide others' !!!!!there is how ever a little flip side to it ...someone with a history of real bad insecurity can actually mistake even a normal act as an act of 'warming-up exercise before the break up'. insecurity can really serve as a classic example of 'The Butterfly Effect' where one tiny flutter of a butterfly's wing can lead to typhoon somewhere else ....that is a cascading effect.
frankly speaking as i have written in my post about insecurity,overcoming insecurity is a tough job but it is not impossible.but in one's best interest it has to be solved very early in life because it can give rise to many other problems in life and lot many losses personally and professionally as well
as i see it insecure people many times turn inward to find faults in a relation and may sometimes unnecessarily blame themselves for some faults........if a person is secure then he/she knows what his/her real worth is ,the cheap and lowlife problems regarding human nature cease to bother and he/she can objectively see the cause ,or at least accept causes when shown by others
just imagine the mental plight of someone insecure who is deaf,dumb and blind in love....oh boy it a sure-shot recipe for a disaster....
overcoming insecurity can really help person know one's own worth because it teaches one to love oneself unconditionally and also helps to accept people as they are

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